


afflatus

by kaiohtic



Category: EXO (Band), K-pop
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, M/M, Romance, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-30
Updated: 2015-06-30
Packaged: 2018-04-07 00:39:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 29,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4242891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaiohtic/pseuds/kaiohtic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After months of struggles manhwa artist Kim Kai finally finds inspiration in form of a young, beautiful coffee shop owner named Oh Sehun.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. part one

**Author's Note:**

> It's the first time for me to write a longfic, so I'm not only proud, but I do hope for some feedback as well.  
> Also I would like to thank a few people who had helped me over the course of 3-4 months.
> 
> First of all, I am grateful for having Team Canna, especially Julia who had been sprinting and talking to me a lot. Ana, for her encouragement and willingness to look over the general plot and proofread the draft.  
> A special thanks to Tommo for the title suggestion - I am absolutely in love with this title, thank you so much.  
> Thanks to maknaelinet network (more like family), for listening to me whining and crying over the fic when working on it. I hope I didn't annoy you, too much. I swear, I won't spam our group chat anymore.  
> And lastly, a big thank you to the mods of the exordium longfic challenge. If not for exordium, I would have never tried to write a longfic, so thank you for giving me the opportunity to challenge myself.

There is always a point in life when one feels stuck, and that is currently the point Jongin is at. But as small as a point is or should be, Jongin being stuck is not a short-term thing. He has been stuck for weeks, months, almost half a year, and while the rest has been nice in the beginning, there is nothing but frustration Jongin feels now.

It is not a point in life where he is stuck, but a whole section of his life line and that thought alone is upsetting.

Kim Jongin in his mid-twenties is a famous manhwa artist. He has published three volumes with short stories so far, as well as two series. His first one has been a rather short series, while the second one has been going on for almost three years. Jongin is content with his achievements so far, but if things continue like this, if he keeps being stuck, unable to produce another work soon, his career might go down the drain. After all, there are a lot of other artists out there, competing with him, and it is just a matter of time until his fans have found a replacement for him. Jongin, no, _Kim Kai_ might be quite famous, but he has not reached the status of internationally loved mangakas and manhwa artists yet. _Yet_. He plans to.

Plans are mere constructs of thoughts and intentions though, and having plans does not mean that they will be executed. Not anytime soon for Jongin, and certainly not when his lack of inspiration is interfering with his plans.

While Jongin has been a bit more positive about the end of his series at first - the prospect of some well-deserved vacation after two years and nine months of almost working nonstop is quite welcomed after all - he is quite miffed about it now. His fingers are itching to sketch and to draw, to fill blank spaces with ink and colors, giving life to characters that he will feel protective about, like any creator feels about his work and any father feels about his child. Still, it does not matter how much he longs to draw again, when he cannot come up with a good idea to draw. Jongin needs characters and stories, not just random scribbles and sketches.

Jongin remembers the last few meetings with his editor. He is not necessarily upset with Park Chanyeol, because Chanyeol is capable and he does not mean ill. He is rather upset with himself for being unable to come up with good suggestions (and being unable to use one of Chanyeol’s prompts, because he does not feel like drawing any of them). And with the minutes leading closer to this week’s meeting, Jongin feels dread building up. After the last few weeks of no results, for this week’s meeting, he could not come up with any useful plot. He has made a few sketches, but they are more like a student’s random drawings in class and not solid plans and character profiles for an upcoming series, and thus it feels like going into a serious meeting with empty hands.

No, Jongin cannot have that. And so he has cancelled the meeting, or tried to cancel it before. Yet, Chanyeol is still coming over. _To look at the character sheets_ , he has said, _maybe we can start the other way round this time, creating a plot based on characters, not creating characters to fit a plot_.

Jongin does not believe that it will work for him that way. And so he does the only thing he can think of: avoiding Chanyeol. Chanyeol has the keys to his apartment that is his studio at the same time, and so the only way to actually avoid his friend and editor, is to disappear. Now or never, Jongin thinks and grabs his keys. He does not need his phone, when Chanyeol is most likely to bombard him with calls and messages, and Jongin does not want any confrontation yet.

 

 

When Jongin leaves his apartment, it is about half an hour before his appointment with Chanyeol. He is glad that he has done so. The last few weeks he has spent locked inside of his apartment, going out only for much needed groceries. But even that is rare when he can simply get his stuff online, delivered right to his doorstep.

Going outside now makes Jongin feel a bit more refreshed, even if it is the busy streets of Seoul that he is walking down now, air heavy with dust, mixed with the smell of coffee, food or cosmetics, depending on what store it is that he is passing.

His feet automatically lead him towards the more quiet streets of Hongdae, without the noisy tourists and persistent shop assistants that might drag one into a store, and he breathes in some - in his imagination at least - cleaner air, without all the pollution of cars. It is a bit greener here, too, with the few trees he has passed, and a lot of plants decorating the balconies and shop entrances. Jongin smiles.

Apart from the busy main streets with shops and cafés, the clubs and bars, there are more quiet places in Hongdae, too. There are small alleyways leading to guesthouses and hotels or simply private owned houses. There are not as many apartment complexes found here. Jongin's apartment, too, does not belong into one of those complexes that have soon become a characteristic trait for Seoul. It is a small one above a gallery, just one corner away from the main street. It is not far away from the almost always full café, known from the movie _The 1st Shop of Coffee Prince_. Jongin has to admit that he has never stepped foot inside there. Loud, packed spaces are not really what he is looking for as an artist who needs the silence to lose himself in his own ideas and imaginations.

 

 

The coffee shop he finds himself in now is none he has ever been to before. He has never crossed this place either, despite it being right in his neighborhood. He is still in Hongdae, right? He almost wants to curse himself for not bringing his phone; with GPS, he could track where he is now, as well as check what time it is. Who does not bring a phone when going outside nowadays? Well, Jongin does not, but only today, because usually, Jongin, too, is always reachable with a phone call or a message via any of those dozen apps he has downloaded simply for communicating.

Luckily, the moment Jongin steps into the café, he can read the time from an analog clock right above the counter. He is about ten minutes late for his meeting already, and it makes no sense to regret his decision and hurry back. He would end up being at least half an hour too late. And so Jongin decisively steps closer to the counter, approaching the young man standing there and greeting him with a bright smile.

"Hello, what would you like to order?" A soft voice sounds. It is a pleasant tone to the ear and Jongin finds himself smiling back at the other. He just can’t be grumpy when people are so nice and friendly to him.

"What would you recommend?" Jongin asks, just to listen to that voice some more. He does not get disappointed. The other male hums softly and Jongin looks down to watch slender fingers open a menu.

"Depending on your personal taste, there are different options," the man says. "You look like a coffee drinker to me, coffee with a spoon of sugar, no cream, and no milk. Is that correct?"

Jongin is amazed. It is accurate. That is how Jongin drinks his coffee. Because of his work, he has to stay awake, and caffeine has become one of Jongin's best friends during his first serialization and has stayed his best friend ever since. If he is honest though, he is not too much of a fan, actually preferring tea. Unfortunately though, tea always makes him sleepy, and soon he has learned to replace his beloved green tea latte with coffee.

"Yes. But only when I work," Jongin replies. The man opposite of him smiles, lips stretching and the corners pulled up even more, eyes crinkling in addition to that. It is the first time Jongin thinks labelling a smile as stunning would fit.

"Of course," the man replies. "Do you trust my judgment? I will make you a drink I'm sure you will like."

Jongin ponders his options for a while and decides to try. There is no reason against it, so why not? He nods.

The barista smiles and sends him off to take a seat. Jongin does so, settling down in a corner from where he can overlook the whole coffee shop. It is a small store, the colors of the whole interior kept in shades of cream, white and blue. Belatedly, Jongin realizes that the café he is sitting in now is called "Oh's heaven", a bit strange, but matching with the decor. The walls are painted like the sky, with different hues of blue and white accents, and the tables and chairs are all white, with pillows so comfortable it feels like sitting on clouds.

Jongin's eyes dart around, discovering the small details: a memo board on one wall with sticky notes, messages written in scrawly handwriting and pictures pinned to it, a filled bookshelf in one corner, the glass vitrine showcasing a variety of cakes and pastries, right by the counter where the barista is busily working on preparing a drink.

Jongin closes his eyes, listening to the soft sound of pianos. It takes him a while to recognize the quiet, but incessant background noise as the sound of rain accompanying the piece. It makes him a bit drowsy, feeling at peace like this, and Jongin wonders if that is the reason why there are no customers here. Maybe this café is just too quiet, too peaceful and therefore too boring? Admittedly, Jongin, too, thinks that it is a bit too quiet for his taste, but at the same time, it is a perfect space to work when he is avoiding Chanyeol again. He just needs the background music to be changed, and surely, if he asked politely, the staff would follow his request, right?

His eyes wander around again as he starts contemplating. It is really not a too bad place, clean, cozy and comfortable. Is it maybe the drinks and the menu offers here that keeps customers away?

In that moment the barista comes over to serve his coffee.

"Walnut caramel coffee," the young man says. "Please give it a try," he adds, when meeting Jongin's skeptical eyes.

"If you do not like it, I won't charge you," the barista says and bows, retreating back to the counter. Jongin watches him for a moment, thinking that the boy would make a good reference model for his next work - that is if he can think of a good plot. Maybe Chanyeol is not wrong, maybe this time, Jongin could start with creating an interesting character and then creating a world for that character to live in. He could draw bishounen this time, pretty faced male protagonists. Unfortunately, he has not brought any sketchbooks with him and so he cannot draw the boy. It is a bit frustrating, really, when he thinks that his inspiration is flowing back right now.

With a sigh, he places the cup close to his lips, blowing softly, before he takes a cautious sip. His eyes widen. It tastes a lot better than it sounds and a whole lot better than he has expected. Who knew that walnut and caramel _and_ coffee would taste good together? He can’t really describe it, since he expresses himself with pictures, not with words, but even if he was a writer, all he could think of would probably be perfect. It is not really sweet, but the usual bitterness of coffee is pushed back by the taste of caramel and walnut, and the cream on top of it is so, so light. Jongin does not feel too full afterwards, and he certainly does not feel drowsy anymore.

When he walks up to the counter to return the cup and pay for his drink, the barista grins at him, as if saying _see? I told you_. Jongin chuckles.

"Thanks, I enjoyed it," Jongin says, and although it is uncommon here, in his home country, he insists on the other keeping the change. Even if he was charged double the amount, Jongin would still pay the whole price. After all, he just got a taste of heaven.

When he leaves the coffee shop and looks back, reading the shop's name again, his lips curl into a small smile. _Oh’s Heaven_. The name fits, he thinks.

 

 

Jongin is back at his apartment. On the way back he has bought some fried chicken with hot sauce, a reward for his returned inspiration. Other people might think that it is weird, but Jongin can practically feel it. Inspiration is like a mood to him, and when he is not in the right mood, he cannot create anything. To him, inspiration is the prickling feeling in his fingertips, like an itch, that forces him to draw, and it is also this strange feeling in his stomach, the excitement that is not much different from falling in love.

Maybe Jongin is in love. He is in love with his job again and that is the most incredible feeling, enabling him to do great things. Well, at least he feels like nothing is impossible _now_. And so he eats as fast as possible, cursing himself for ordering the whole chicken instead of asking for the chicken to be fully prepared with the bones taken out. It prolongs his whole meal, and Jongin, not one to waste any food, is determined to eat up before starting any work.

The bowl of rice he has warmed up in the microwave is gulped down in record speed, along with the salad he has gotten with his order of chicken. Jongin surely is no gourmet; he does not have the time to eat slowly, enjoy and appreciate each bite, and luckily, washing the dishes is not much of a chore when there is just one bowl, a pair of chopsticks and a spoon to wash, and soon enough Jongin is sitting at his desk, a sketchbook opened and a pencil in his hand. He grins, already anticipating the next few hours of concentrated work that will follow.

He sets down the pencil, loving the quiet sound of graphite scratching against paper and the sight of steady lines filling the pages and creating scenes, or, in this case, faces and identities.

Jongin spends two hours sketching. One paper after the other is laid aside as he finishes sketch after sketch, character study after character study. Next to the characters he has created, there are small notes that point out what is so special about that character, or what Jongin could add in the future. Random notes that help him with finalizing a character design.

When Jongin sits back for a breather, he puts down his pencil as well, stretching his limbs. It is not good to sit at one place for a long time, and whenever he remembers, he gets up and shakes his legs, trying to boost his blood circulation. It is rare though, especially when Jongin is in the mood to draw. The fact that he has stopped after merely two hours is proof that Jongin is not really in high spirits yet. He might have just tried to convince himself of that. And when he looks through his drawings, he can only sigh.

He has drawn only male characters, and all of them look quite similar to each other. Tall stature, rather thin, a face with perfect V-line and pretty, thin lips, eyes a bit small and almost disappearing in the few sketches of that character laughing. He's wearing a simple T-shirt and jeans, and on top of that, an apron of simple cut.

Jongin wants to facepalm. All he has drawn is the barista from the café, because the notes next to his sketches are not much helpful either. _Has pretty eye smile_ , _pretty hands_ , _is good at making coffee_ , _soft spoken and maybe a bit shy (?)_. It is really not helpful. He cannot create a story with five characters that are basically the same. Unless he makes the character bipolar or with a split personality; but he does not feel like doing that. Or a story of twins or triplets…?

Maybe he needs a break to clear his head. And so Jongin goes to take a shower first, then settles down next to his window to watch the changing lights outside. There are still quite a few people walking to and fro, clubbers and party goers taking shortcuts through the smaller streets to head to their destination. A few drunkards, a few giggly college students, a couple. He watches them without thinking much. The thinking will follow later, when he is back at his desk to work on a manuscript. For now, he needs to relax and ease his mind to hopefully be more productive later.

 

 

It does not help. Despite believing that he has found his motivation to start a new project, Jongin cannot grasp the plot. It is frustrating, because the plot is right there in front of him, but whenever he tries to catch it, it is as if it escapes through the gaps between his fingers.

Jongin has never been unproductive for this long and it is worrisome. He has texted Chanyeol earlier this morning, apologizing for yesterday's absence. Chanyeol has called him back immediately, and this time, Jongin knows he cannot avoid talking to the other. And so they talk and discuss and Jongin confesses that he has been hiding yesterday, in a pretty café not too far from his studio, and that he has actually worked on some sketches. He has a character and he is trying to build a plot around that character. Jongin confesses, too, that while he has been in high spirits the day before, when he was sitting in that café, his muse has left him when he got home. And so Chanyeol's suggestion was to go back to that café. Maybe he will find a hint on how to create his story there?

Jongin is thinking about it for a while, wondering if it is worth the half hour long walk to and back when he can use that one hour in the studio and work here. But then again, maybe it is his environment that is somehow influencing his creative process in a bad way this time, and so he decides to go to the café, _Oh's heaven_. And this time he comes prepared.

Jongin is sitting in a corner today. From here he has the best overview of the whole café. He does not need to turn his head around much to watch the people walking around outside, or the counter where Sehun is currently making another drink, humming to himself. The artist has chosen his own drink today, going for cappuccino, and he wonders if the barista can make the drink taste any better than at other places. It is a very basic coffee drink after all, not leaving much room to be experimental.

Soon enough, Jongin stops watching people, stops watching the coffee shop employee, and starts drawing instead. The pencil flies over the page and Jongin is creating a location this time. It is a coffee shop, a bit different from the one he is sitting in, but he tries to keep the same cozy feeling, adding a few minor details here and there to make it look more special.

"Here is your order, Sir."

Jongin startles at the suddenness, not having heard the other approaching. It makes him feel sheepish, a bit dumb even, but the barista does not even bat his eyelashes. He simply sets the cup on the table, a little cookie placed neatly on the saucer underneath. Jongin grins like a kid being rewarded with candy and dips the cookie into his drink. The cappuccino is okay, he thinks, but when he takes a sip at it later, he is a bit surprised. It tastes a lot better without the cookie, maybe he shouldn't have dipped it inside. There is an underlying aroma Jongin cannot quite name, but it harmonizes well with the taste of coffee and milk. Is it caramel and walnut again?

As he takes small sips of the drink, Jongin watches the barista moving around, cleaning here and there, and moving chairs just the slightest so they are standing at a perfect angle to the tables. It is a bit ridiculous, but he supposes there is not much one can do when there are not many customers around. There should be more customers though, because the drinks are really nice, and so is the place overall.

Jongin takes the pencil and starts drawing again, another sketch of the location, this time from another perspective. After all, if he is going to draw a barista it is unlikely that that barista would work in different locations, unless he changes his workplace. And Jongin does not plan to let his barista change his job often.

It is a lot of fun and Jongin gets far too enthusiastic about details, in his mind already painting the colored version. The coffee shop in his manhwa will be kept in soft beige and sand colors with splashes of white and brown in between. That is the color he associates with coffee and thus his café would look like that, too. As Jongin draws, he thinks that he could have become an interior designer as well, chuckling at that thought. Would his parents have liked that more?

An hour passes. Jongin continues drawing and sketching. He looks up to observe the barista from time to time, sketching out what he can see. There is a sketch of the barista bent over the table to wipe over the whole surface, another sketch of the barista working on one of the machines at the back. Another one with the barista handing over a drink to a customer. Jongin orders another cappuccino, along with a sandwich to still his hunger, and when the barista balances drink and food on a tray over to him, Jongin draws that, too.

As he bites into his sandwich, Jongin thinks about all the sketches he has made today. He really likes the idea of drawing the soft spoken barista with that calming smile, but he needs a story, a plot as well. A collection of drawings does not sell well, unless it is an artbook to a popular series. Jongin could have made an artbook as well, but he does not feel like drawing old characters over and over again. He has done so on fan meetings and there have been enough requests to draw the protagonists of his debut work as well as his two series.

Maybe it is because it has been such a long time since he last had to start a story from scratch that is making it difficult for him to create a new story now? Jongin shakes his head. No more thinking about his situation. He still needs to come up with a good plot and that will only come when he thinks about details.

He starts with his sole protagonist, his barista. The barista is quite young, a college student probably. So what is the reason for him to work when workload at school makes a part-time job almost impossible? Is it because he is studying something his parents are opposing, and thus have given him an ultimatum to either get kicked out or follow as they wish? The boy could have decided to chase his dreams, and so he left before he could have been kicked out. He ends up meeting kind people, maybe the coffee shop owners, who let him stay with them if he works on the weekends.

No. Jongin shakes his head. It is too close to his debut work. He cannot draw almost the same story with slightly different characters two times in a row. His fans are asking for a new work, not a remake of _3,6,5_. He sighs deeply.

Okay. Second plot idea. So what if he is only a barista by day, but in the night is when he has his really lucrative job? He could be working as an escort, pretending to be a boyfriend or fiancé in high society circles. No, wouldn’t it be better if he was someone’s personal escort?

Wait. An escort or a boy with a sugar mommy wouldn’t even need to work as a barista. The night job would pay enough for a living, not to mention some extra luxury as well. His protagonist wouldn’t be a barista anymore, and that is opposed to his original plans so Jongin sets that idea aside as well, not to mention that such a story line might not be suitable for his fans, who are mainly teenagers and clearly too young for that.

So maybe if he is not an escort at night, he could be something else easily as secretive. A superhero maybe? Jongin thinks about it for half a minute and shakes his head. He can’t do that. There are too many manhwas and mangas with a superhero as protagonist already, and Jongin who is known for writing heartfelt stories of average people with their maybe not too unique lives, cannot simply start creating action manhwas now. It does not even fit his rather detailed drawing style either.

Jongin has scribbled down a few plot ideas, random keywords that could be woven into a story, but he cannot come up with a more detailed plot yet. He has planned to finish a rough draft for the outline today, but apparently, he won't be able to. It is when he works on the sixth or seventh idea that he feels a light tap on his shoulder. Jongin looks up, eyes locking with the barista's pair of hazel ones.

"Yes?" Jongin asks, unsure what the other might want from him.

"Excuse me, Sir," the boy says, voice just as gentle and smooth as Jongin remembers from their few exchanged words so far. "We are closing now."

"Oh." Jongin looks at his wristwatch, blinking when it tells him that it is just a few minutes past eight. Don’t coffee shops close around 10 PM or even later, especially the ones in Seoul?

The artist does not protest though. He nods and packs up all his stuff before walking over to the counter to pay. He slips another 10,000W note onto the counter when the other turns around and then Jongin hurries to leave.

 

 

When Jongin is back at his apartment, he goes through the stack of sketches he has made. The sketches of the locations all look quite okay, and Jongin is satisfied with them. His barista, too, looks really nice, and very, very much like the boy who has served him coffee for the last two days. And when he thinks about it, that boy was the only one working in the coffee shop every time he visited so far.

While Jongin does understand that there is no need for a lot of staff working when there is a low to almost non-existent influx of customers, it is still a bit weird to him. That boy has worked alone from the early afternoon until the evening. Do part-timers work that long? Is that a normal thing? Also, on Mondays and Tuesdays? Doesn’t the boy have other obligations like school or lectures at university? How can he be so free? As far as Jongin knows - because Junmyeon has told him so; the cousin and only family who actually supports Jongin's chosen path, teacher at Yonsei University, currently working on his PhD, but giving classes in literature as well - college students are not on vacation yet. And is it not strange to have two consecutive days without any lectures in the evening? From what he has heard of his friends, those who attended college, they were not this free to spend their time with jobbing. They had to focus on attending lectures and study some more, usually working on the weekends only. Is his barista a genius then? Or maybe he is not a college student, although he looks like one. Does that mean the boy might not be a part-timer only but a full staff member instead?

Jongin broods over this question the whole evening instead of sorting his character study and then trying to think of a storyline. He keeps telling himself that developing his barista first will provide him with a storyline later, so the most important thing now is to think of a background story. And the ones he has thought of so far are too ridiculous to provide a good explanation.

It is almost midnight when Jongin's stomach is protesting, forcing him to go out to grab some food. The food stalls that are so typical for Seoul have closed as well, and so Jongin has no other choice but to go for cheap convenience store cup ramyun. At least his stomach is filled now he thinks when he slurps on the noodles.

When he goes to bed that night, Jongin wonders if he should keep his barista as protagonist. He is somehow stuck with this idea, but at the same time he has the feeling that if he is persistent, there will be a great chance to find a perfect story for a new series.

 

 

It is early morning. Jongin is barely awake when Chanyeol calls. He has never understood how people could get up early when they went to bed late, because that is what Chanyeol does. As far as he knows, Chanyeol is overly active, not only busy with work, but being busy with running around and personally check if all the authors he is in charge off are doing fine, both mentally and physically. Not to mention that the man always finds enough time to take care of his family and friends as well.

Jongin is not only a work-related person to Chanyeol and vice versa, but they are really good friends, too. And good friends should know if their good friends are morning people or not. Jongin is not and Chanyeol knows.

"Chanyeol, please," Jongin groans, voice deep and laced with sleep. "I just woke up."

"It is about time," Chanyeol tells him. "You did not reply on kakaotalk."

Jongin just hums.

"So, how did that go? Any ideas for your plot? It does not have to be a detailed outline yet, just a few ideas for the main plot." Chanyeol keeps chattering away, talking far too much when he is the one who is supposed to only ask questions and let the other reply in length.

Jongin rubs his nape. "Uh... No results. I couldn't come up with anything." He knows Chanyeol is suppressing a sigh now. He can almost hear it.

"Listen, Jongin," Chanyeol begins and Jongin knows very well what _listen, Jongin_ means. It means that Chanyeol is slowly getting fed up and Jongin understands very well, because he, too, is getting annoyed at himself - or rather at his lack of inspiration and energy to actually get work done. If he would be more focused...

"Hey, are you listening?"

"Of course."

"So, like I said, I do not want to pressure you, because pressure kills art, but you need to think of a story soon. The longer you wait, the more difficult it will be to get back into the magazine. We're discovering more and more promising talents over time and they might push you from your secure place here."

"I know," Jongin replies quietly and sighs. "I'm doing my best."

"I'm just looking out for you, buddy," Chanyeol says. "I do not think you'll have much more time. You should have an outline and the draft to the first three chapters ready by the next serialization meeting. Or the one afterwards even, but that will definitely be your last chance at being considered one of the magazine's authors."

"Right. Thanks for the info. I'll go back to work then," Jongin says and promptly ends the call. He feels a bit unwell now. This kind of pressure and the fear of possibly losing his job make him feel anxious. He did not need Chanyeol to remind him, because he knows. Or maybe it is because he knows but has pushed that thought aside that he needed this reminder. Either way, Jongin is now fully aware of what he has to do, and he has to do it fast.

 

 

Jongin takes a cold shower that numbs his mind for a while, but once he steps out of the shower, body dried and clad in comfortable clothes, he feels wide awake and refreshed. He decides then to go to Oh's Heaven - not only for breakfast, but also for some help and inspiration. If Jongin cannot come up with a fictional story, why not keep his plot close to reality then? He can simply ask the barista for his life story, and base his story off that. Hopefully, the other will agree to let Jongin interview him and use it as a foundation for his work.

For an interview Jongin does not need more than something to write notes, but he still gets his sketchbook and a few pencils. If he feels like drawing, he will continue sketching, too.

As Jongin walks there, he starts feeling nervous. What if the other refuses to tell him? Everyone has a right of privacy after all, and even if Jongin changes name and does not mention the ones that inspired him for a particular work, it does not mean they will feel comfortable with it. Also, what if the barista he is searching for is not working today? He does not know the other's working schedules, and Jongin is still assuming that the boy cannot work every day, 24/7. The boy looks too young, younger than him, and too much like a college student to be a full time employee. And who would work full-time in a coffee shop? Young people nowadays are aiming for high positions, for better, for more.

In the end, Jongin’s worries are unfounded. Once he steps inside the café, the barista greets him with a soft smile. Jongin can read how happy the other is to see someone becoming a regular customer. Or at least it seems like that, because Jongin has been coming here three days consecutively. He is not sure if he will visit here often once he starts getting busier, but for now coming here seems like a good thing to do when he is on the hunt for inspiration.

"Good morning," the barista chirps, awfully cheerful, but it makes Jongin smile a bit, too. "What would you like to try today?"

"Anything you can recommend," Jongin replies. The boy thinks for a while.

"A chocolate drink? A simple mocaccino maybe?"

Jongin is not a fan of mixing chocolate into his coffee, but somehow he ends up ordering that. He trusts the barista to some extent. So far, everything has tasted more than good, especially his first drink here, the walnut caramel coffee? The boy has recommended that drink to him and no matter how weird it sounded to Jongin at first, it has tasted heavenly.

Jongin chooses the same table as last time, sitting down and opening his notebook. He should have come prepared with a few questions, he thinks, using his pen to tap on the paper. It is too late now. He'll have to do it spontaneously.

When the boy brings him the drink, Jongin is quick to get up. The barista blinks a few times and Jongin does not quite understand why he has gotten up either, when all he wants is to ask the other for a talk.

"Uhm, hey, can I ask you a few things?"

The boy looks dumbfounded, but he still nods.

"Cool," Jongin says and rubs his hands together. "You should sit down."

The boy stares over at the counter, his look a bit worried. Jongin is sure there is nothing to worry about though. There are not many customers in here, just the group of students in that other corner, each of them focused on their textbooks, and another table occupied by two young ladies, chattering away in soft whispers.

"I'm sure no one will mind," Jongin reassures the other. "When someone walks over to the counter, or when someone enters the shop you will notice. Just sit down here."

Jongin pulls the other chair at the table closer so the barista can sit down next to him, where he has a perfect view on both entrance and the counter. Once the other is settled, Jongin goes straight to business.

"I'm a manhwa artist. I'm sure you noticed me sketching the last few days?"

The boy nods.

"I'm working on a new plot and I'd like to base a new character on you."

There, he said it. Jongin holds his breath for a moment, watching as the other freezes. His eyes are rapidly blinking and Jongin wonders how a real life person can be a perfect offspring of some shoujo manga fantasy.

"Okay."

"Okay?"

The boy nods and Jongin breaks out into a wide grin.

"In that case I'd like to ask a few more questions. For plot development."

The barista nods and Jongin starts to fire one question after the other, and by that, he learns a lot about the other.

His name is Oh Sehun. He is twenty-five years old, same age as Jongin. He has spent almost all his life making coffee and other drinks - non-alcoholic of course, although he has added liquor to some of his coffee creations before. He has been taking care of this shop for a long time already, trying his best to create the best drinks suitable for every mood and taste. He wants to warm people up and elicit a smile, bringing some happiness with a delicious drink, or wake people up and energize them so they are ready to start a hopefully not too tiring day of work or school.

"I think you've reached your goal then," Jongin says. "Your creations are all really good. This, too." He raises the almost empty cup of mocaccino.

"You're praising me too much," Sehun mumbles and Jongin can clearly see the eyes downcast, the lips pressed together to hide a smile and the soft blush that is so obvious against pale skin.

"No, I mean it. Honestly."

They do not talk about Sehun only though. Somehow the interview turns out to be a pleasant conversation with Sehun asking him back and Jongin replying happily. It has been too long since he last mingled with people and so it feels refreshing to talk to a stranger and form a friendship by a random conversation. He is sure that Sehun and he will become good friends, seeing how calm and mature the other is. Most of all, Sehun is a person spreading positivity, and a Jongin with writer's block - drawer's block actually - is a person who needs that positivity.

Jongin has to admit that he was a bit disappointed when Sehun told him he never heard of Kai before, despite reading some manhwa in his free time. The artist almost launches himself into a self-promoting speech, but is stopped in time by a phone call. Only after Sehun urges him to take that call ( _it is rude to ignore people when you are not busy_ ) and reluctantly, Jongin gets up and packs his stuff. Chanyeol has called him back to the studio.

When Jongin wants to pay, Sehun refuses to take his money, telling him he gave too much money the day before. Sehun does not like to overcharge people. His drinks have always been and will always be affordable for everyone, and just like any other regular restaurant, he will not accept any tips.

Jongin sighs softly, really wanting to give some extra money for the delicious drink, the superb service and the other's willingness to help him. Instead, he promises to come back soon, and with him he will bring a volume or two of his works. Sehun nods and smiles, waving a bit to say goodbye.

Jongin is in a good mood when he hurries home, a little skip in his steps.

 

 

Back at his apartment, Chanyeol is already sitting there at his desk. Jongin does not really own a living room. He only has a small bedroom, a huge library filled with Korean manhwa and Japanese manga (of course in the original Japanese editions), his study with his desk and all equipment and materials he needs stocked there. Apart from kitchen, bathroom and a small balcony, there is one room left, which is usually used by his assistants, so there are only three desks in there. When he worked on his last series, he temporarily got two assistants assigned to help him. They usually do all the minor work, like cutting and inking, so Jongin can focus on drawing and plotting. Without the assistants though, his apartment had been eerily quiet the last few months.

"Yeol, you were interrupting my work," Jongin complains the minute he enters his study. Chanyeol is not even grinning like usual. His expression is grave and Jongin has a feeling there might be bad news. Did they decide to cut him off the list of their serialized artists? But if so, there would have to be a serialization meeting first and there wasn't. He knows for sure. They usually take place a month before the next quarter would start. Jongin should still have about a month.

"Jongin, sit down," Chanyeol says, as calm as possible.

Jongin nods and does as told. He sits down right on the spot, as he is used to sit on the floor already. He used to draw while sitting on the ground as well, when he was younger, and he still does it occasionally.

"Not really bad news," Chanyeol starts with a little smile. "But I am still worried. I wanted to check on you in person." _Because I do not trust what you tell me over a phone call_ is left unsaid. Jongin understands though, he would think the same if he was Chanyeol.

"I'm really working on it," Jongin says with sincerity.

"I know, I've looked through your sketchbook. And I think a story about a barista suits your drawing style. We still need a story. And so I came here to brainstorm with you." Chanyeol gives one of these toothy smiles that are supposed to cheer people up. It does help brighten the atmosphere a bit, but Jongin can’t help feeling that it is faked. Is Chanyeol hiding something? It can’t be all good news only.

"If I cannot get something for the next serialization meeting they'll cut ties with me," Jongin says all of a sudden. That is the only conclusion he has. Chanyeol might have told him that he has some more time, but Jongin can feel it. He knows what the heads of the company are thinking about his inability to produce a new series for them.

Chanyeol sighs and nods. "Yeah. And none of us actually wants to lose a talented person like you. But if you cannot provide us with good stuff soon, we will have to make room for a new artist. We cannot let you hog the place. After all, this is a company and like any company we underlie the rules of capitalism, even if it kills creativity."

"No worries," Jongin says, although he is still not sure if he can pull it off. But then he thinks of Sehun and his encouraging words and he finds some strength to believe that this story will be a hit, too. He just needs to give it a chance.

"I'm still interviewing the barista. You interrupted us though, so I did not hear the most interesting part yet."

Chanyeol eyes him warily. "Okay. But did you get permission to base your story _and_ character design on him?"

Jongin grins. "Yeah. He makes a perfect protagonist, does not he?" He feels relief seeing Chanyeol grinning back.

"Sure. Introduce me to him sometime if he's really as cute as you draw him."

Jongin can only scoff. While he has never disapproved of Chanyeol liking men and women equally, he rather not have Chanyeol hit on his newly made friend. Sehun does not seem like the person who would appreciate it. And what about Chanyeol's current boyfriend? Did they break up already? Jongin should be a bit more social and talk more to people he considers his friends. He realizes that he actually has done nothing during his break, except for lazing around, reading manhwa and playing video games all day.

"We'll see," Jongin replies. "So do I get an okay to continue this project?"

Chanyeol nods. He gets up and pats Jongin's shoulder, squeezing a bit as if to comfort him even. "I give you a week to come up with a basic plot and a manuscript for the first three chapters."

"A week?" Jongin furrows his brows.

"More than a week. You have time until next Sunday. Today is only Wednesday."

"Call. I'm sure I have more than that by Sunday."

"If you can manage five chapters I'll treat you to chicken for a week," Chanyeol promises and they are both grinning like idiots. When Chanyeol leaves a bit later, Jongin wishes he would spend more time with other people. It is quite sad to lead such a lonely life, filled with nothing but work and solitude rest when he takes a break. He should go pester Chanyeol more. Or, when Chanyeol is busy, he could go chat with Sehun. Sehun never seems too busy after all.

 

 

Jongin has promised to come back soon , and soon is apparently the very next day. It is early in the morning, and despite not being a morning person, he woke up feeling motivated and eager to get things done. And since Sehun conveniently offers a breakfast menu - sandwiches plus a drink of choice - Jongin finds himself going to the coffee shop right after a shower and the needed preparations.

The weather helps, too. It is sunny and warm enough to make Jongin feel more energized. He is almost as giddy as Chanyeol's beagle, a quite hyperactive, but sweet puppy. The newest addition to Chanyeol's family, as the other would say. Jongin just grins at that thought. He likes animals, but unfortunately, he does not have the time to take care of a pet.

"You seem to be in a good mood," Sehun says as he brings Jongin his morning coffee - not too sweet, simply perfect - and a sandwich. Jongin is a bit sad that Sehun does not sit down to have breakfast with him right away, but he understands that a coffee shop owner cannot treat one customer better than all the others. There are actually people in the coffee shop, Jongin notices, and maybe it is because he has not been here early in the mornings to witness. It seems that there is quite a number of high school girls coming here to get their morning coffee. Sehun serves them all with a smile and he chats with them, too. Quite flirty, Jongin thinks. So why are not there more customers in the afternoon? Sehun seems like the type of person to not only attract attention, but also a person who easily earns affection. Whoever talks to Sehun will get attached to the good looking and friendly barista.

Jongin watches and sketches the scenery - Sehun handing his customer a cup of coffee. Sehun preparing coffee. Sehun blushing and hiding his face at something one of the high school girls has said. Sehun waving at them…

Sehun really makes good material for the cheesiest type of romance manhwa, Jongin thinks and chuckles.

It is about an hour later that Sehun is free. Well, actually he could have come over earlier, but instead of joining the artist, Sehun has wiped over the counter and tidied up the counter. He seems to be some kind of cleaning freak, and Jongin notes that down, too. By now he has sorted his character file for Sehun on his laptop, although he still needs to fill the biography section. A few of his sketches are on his laptop, too, and he has named them after the various expressions and motions of the character on that sketch. For reference, if he needs it later.

Before he starts the interview though, Jongin gives Sehun a volume of his debut work. It might have been a bad idea, he realizes a few minutes later, when Sehun is immersed in his work. Sehun is reading, without paying attention to the world around him, and Jongin is actually fascinated. He likes people who can get absorbed into another world, people with enough empathy to feel, even with fictional characters. Jongin watches, and he likes the way Sehun's eyes widen, the way Sehun's lips part in wonder. He might use that expression later in his drawings, too; his protagonist is Sehun after all. And so Jongin does not complain about the lack of character information he gets today. The visuals he is getting instead is of good use, too, so Jongin is thankful to see the variety of emotions on Sehun's face. At some point, Sehun blinks even, as if trying to suppress tears. Jongin feels proud for being an artist who can appeal to people's emotions, but at the same time he feels bad for saddening Sehun. Sehun smiling is his favorite look on the other.

Watching him, Jongin thinks he likes Sehun just a little bit more now. Sehun understands his story, and that makes Jongin quite happy. It is his debut work after all, his drawings and the way he conveys his message not half as refined as his technique now and to still be able to draw such reactions is almost a miracle.

Sehun keeps reading and Jongin keeps observing and sketching. It is silent, except for the soft piano tunes playing from the speakers. The silence is then disturbed by the sound of bells. Jongin looks up immediately, watching a customer approaching the counter. He looks at Sehun and chuckles, grinning as Sehun is still immersed in reading. He nudges Sehun with his foot and almost laughs out loud. Sehun's startled and confused expression is endearing, but there is not much time to dwell on that. He points to the counter and Sehun scrambles up on his feet to walk over there and tend to the customer.

Jongin watches Sehun's expression turning sheepish, and it looks like Sehun is apologizing profusely for being late half a minute. It is cute, he thinks, and sketches that, too.

Jongin spends the rest of the day sketching Sehun in his natural habitat and spending quite some amount of money on drinks and food here. He does not regret it the slightest bit, even with his deadline drawing close.

 

 

The next day Jongin is back at Oh's Heaven, coming early in the morning to watch Sehun being a busy bee. He orders two sandwiches for breakfast even, waiting until the flow of customers dies down, until everyone is sated. There won't be many coming after the group of high school girls, and when his prediction is right, Jongin cannot help but grin proudly. He has always been good at observing. It is an ability he needs to make his works as realistic as possible. He wants his characters to be authentic and the character he is working on now, he believes, will be the most authentic one Jongin has ever created.

Sehun sits down opposite of him, and as Sehun eats the sandwich - not after trying to decline; _after all,_ you bought it so you should eat it, you don’t need to buy me one - Jongin fills Sehun in with details of his works.

Jongin wants to create a story around a barista like Sehun, and now he just needs the background story. He wants to know what has made Sehun choose this path, instead of going to college. Things like that. Only if Sehun agrees to, of course. After all, Jongin does not want to pry too much, and he will understand if there are private matters and thoughts Sehun does not want to reveal. If there are questions that make Sehun feel uncomfortable, he is free to skip them.

Sehun nods, smiling widely, and Jongin thinks this is the first time he has seen a living person being exactly like a stereotype manhwa prince. He can almost see flower petals flying around Sehun’s face and sparkles, too. It is almost too much to bear, and he has to look away, unable to keep eye contact. He stares at his empty notebook, scolding himself for not preparing any questions today either.

In the end it does not matter. Even without preparation, Jongin can come up with enough questions for the conversation to flow, disrupted only by a few customers requiring Sehun's barista skills.

Sehun's story, Jongin learns, is none too happy. His grand-parents have opened this café decades ago. It has always been a family business, and so of course the coffee shop would be passed down to Sehun one day. Only, he has become the only worker here far sooner than expected. Sehun's parents passed away in a traffic accident. A car crashed into them, the driver drunk as the police later investigated. With the money Sehun got from the insurance as well as the compensation money he got from the other party, he had held the funeral.

Sehun had been only sixteen at that time, almost seventeen, and when he had to decide between keeping their store or education, he had gladly chosen the shop. After all, he has always known he would become a barista and coffee shop owner in the future. Giving the family's treasure into other people's hands had never been an option to Sehun, who wanted to pay tribute to both his parents and his grandmother, who had passed away two years prior. As for his grandfather, the man was still living, but too old and weak to work, which was the main reason why Sehun had to drop out of school to take over the otherwise unoccupied shop.

"Why did not you hire staff? You could be the manager and get other people to work for you," Jongin points out. Sehun just smiles.

"My grandfather is old and sick. I need to save as much money as possible. This building belongs to us, so I do not have to pay rent, but I need to pay for grandpa's medicaments and daycare, so I cannot afford education and hiring people. It is a lot more money saving if I use my own labor force."

Jongin nods. Okay, that sounds plausible.

"But is not it sad that you cannot pursuit an academic career like other people? Is not education what people seek for nowadays? You could always go to college, graduate, get a high paying job and get the shop back."

Sehun is still smiling, although he is shaking his head.

"It is not the same if someone else owns the shop in between. They might have changed the concepts, or rebuilt the café into a restaurant. I don’t want that. My grandparents and parents wouldn’t have liked it either."

Jongin looks around. He is not sure if he can believe Sehun when he insists on nostalgia, tradition and those kinds of values. All Jongin sees is a very modern coffee shop with an exquisite interior that is proof of a good taste and an eye for aesthetics. The homey feeling surely does not come from tradition only.

"You do not gain much profit here," Jongin remarks. He turns back to observe Sehun's face for a change of expression. After all, what he is saying sounds quite rude and too inquiring. "If this is an old coffee shop with tradition, wouldn't there be more people around?"

"Sadly that is not true," Sehun sighs. "It’s getting hard to operate this shop, and maybe you are right. Maybe I should have sold this shop. It is hard to survive between all the Starbucks, Cafe Benes and Tom’n Toms Coffee, but I'm trying to keep this alive for as long as possible. I do not want my parents' and my grand-parents' work to go down the drain."

"Maybe you need a change in concept," Jongin suggests.

"I like how it is now," Sehun replies calmly. "I have redecorated the interior a bit, but I don’t want to change too much. After all, this is still Oh's Heaven, and for those who have known this place for some time, I want to keep it like that. Tradition matters in a world where people forget their roots."

And Jongin can only listen and nod dumbly. He is not quite sure what to think of such a position yet, when all he believes in are personal freedom, individuality and the struggle for bigger and better and development.

 

 

Jongin is sitting at his desk the next day. There is a lot of thinking he has to do - without Sehun's presence, because the barista somehow irritates him. Sehun is just too... old-fashioned? Conservative? It does not match well with Jongin's rather liberalist ideas, and so he concludes that for the rest of the story, he will just use his own imagination. After all, no one said he had to retell Sehun's life, right? Sehun is just his muse, his source of inspiration, and Jongin will just take the bits that he needs to create a new bestseller.

"You have a protagonist now," Chanyeol says, and despite the static of the phone, Jongin can still make out the disappointment in the other's voice. He feels bad, really, because Chanyeol has been a friend to him, helped him with his career, yet Jongin cannot pay him back with working on a new project, which is what Chanyeol needs now to prove his worthiness as editor to hopefully boost his career and become chief editor later.

"Well, a protagonist alone is not enough for a story," Chanyeol says after clearing his throat. "You could do that, but it is a lot more difficult to keep people interested. We need at least a love interest or a best friend. Preferably both."

Jongin pinches the bridge of his nose. "I know. I was planning to give him a best friend or lover of some sorts."

Chanyeol hums. "What about the plot? You should choose a secondary character who fits the plot. What's the use of having another protagonist who rarely pops up?"

"I know," Jongin retorts and sighs. He doesn’t want to continue talking. He would rather think on his own right now.

Luckily, Chanyeol seems to get the hint. He tells Jongin to keep working on ideas; he will check on his star manhwa artist sometime later. Jongin ends the call with a relieved _thank you_ , but at the same time he is anxious. How is he supposed to come up with a plot when his head feels so empty? In those cases, Chanyeol as his editor would be a great support, giving ideas to spark his creativity. At least that is how it is for other artists, his colleagues have told Jongin during brief meetings at the annual summer party or the new year's party. Those gatherings are not mandatory but those who plan to stay in the company, for them it is a great chance to exchange ideas and check out the rivals.

Jongin stares at his notes.

_young barista. works alone. believes in family and tradition._

He ruffles his hair, almost pulling at the locks out of sheer frustration. He cannot come up with a plot because he does not understand Sehun. How can the boy be limited and bound by the limitations set on him by his family? How can he not pursuit his own dreams, choosing to believe in every word said to him, choosing to obey without another thought?

Bust just as irritated as Jongin is with Sehun and his life story, at the same time he is upset with Sehun's environment, the people that have pushed him into a direction, leaving him no other option. He has been raised to become a coffee shop owner, and now he is stuck there, because the shop opens seven days a week. Vacations are rare, he remembers Sehun telling him, just as it is everywhere in Korea. Shops need to open all around the year, using every day to gain just a bit more profit to pay the rent, and so Sehun has never gotten a chance to do anything unrelated to his shop in his many years of operating this place.

Sehun is like a caged bird, Jongin thinks, and he wishes he could do anything to free the other. He wants Sehun to see and experience life, and most of all, he wants Sehun to decide for himself. Jongin can almost hear Sehun's gleeful laughter on the first day of freedom.


	2. part two

No matter how many times he has spent on research already, Jongin does not think he knows enough to draw Sehun. Surely, he does not have to draw Sehun the way he is. He could alter Sehun's personality to make it easier for himself, but stubborn as he is, Jongin wants to stay with his original plan: drawing Sehun as close to what he is in real life as possible. After all, Sehun as he is makes the perfect manhwa protagonist already.

Unable to understand Sehun with all his reasoning and his feelings though, Jongin is forced to go back to talk to Sehun once again. There is an uneasy feeling settling in his stomach but he ignores it. It might be just the stress and his anxiety mixed together, the fear of losing his secure position at the publishing house, he tells himself, and not the weird feeling he got after his last conversation with Sehun bubbling up again.

The moment he enters the coffee shop, Jongin feels a bit calmer. Things are no different from usual. Sehun greets him as friendly as ever, a welcoming smile on his lips and a light beam in his eyes. Jongin sits at the same table he usually occupies and his drink is brought to his table, neatly arranged on the saucer with a cookie and a packet of sugar. The music in the background is relaxing and the smell of coffee, vanilla and chocolate is as calming as ever. When the last customer is served, Sehun walks over to him, without needing Jongin to ask him to. It is almost a habit now, Sehun coming over so they could talk.

"Hey," Sehun greets and Jongin looks up from his sketchbook.

"Hi." He tries a smile.

"I thought you said you would be too busy to come here for a while," Sehun says, fiddling with his fingers.

"Because I thought so," Jongin replies, putting his sketchbook aside. "But I realized there are still a lot of things I do not know about you yet and I am not sure if I will be able to portray you correctly."

Sehun nods. "But you do not need to make your protagonist exactly the way I am, right?"

It takes some time until Jongin can actually reply. "Right. But I want to."

The barista seems genuinely surprised by that, eyes widening just the slightest, and the small grin on his face growing. Jongin wonders briefly if Sehun is one of those people wanting to become famous as well. Jongin will of course mention where his inspiration to draw this new series derives from, and people will surely be curious enough to check the coffee shop out as well as the staff. Sehun with his handsome face will surely become popular.

The want to become famous does not seem to fit with Sehun's personality though. Sehun is more the type to enjoy and appreciate the small things in life, rather than money and fame. Or at least that is the impression Jongin has.

"Sit down. There are a few more questions I would like to ask," Jongin adds and Sehun does that, sitting down with his elbows propped up on the table and chin resting on a hand. Jongin has seen Sehun close up like this a few times, but each time Sehun's natural beauty - as much as he dislikes using this word, especially for males - stuns him. Today, too, Sehun looks impeccable. Before the artist can get too absorbed in those hazel eyes though, he looks down at his notes.

"Question number one. What are your hobbies?"

Sehun blinks. "Uhm... making coffee and sleeping?"

Jongin does not show the irritation on his face, at least he tries not to. "Question number two then. What do you do in your free time?"

"I check the materials in stock and do the accounting for the shop. I double check everything. I try to create new drinks, too."

"That's not really free time then. Is not that work, too?"

"It is," Sehun says slowly. "But it is not like I do not like doing these things."

"It is still not considered free time though," Jongin points out. "Free time means time not related to work and by doing those things that are actually revolved around your shop means you are actually working and not enjoying your free time."

Sehun does not reply and purses his lips instead, and Jongin interprets it as a reluctantly admitted defeat. Of course Sehun would have to give in as Jongin's words and arguments make more sense. At the same time, the silence between them is becoming irritating, and so Jongin continues with the interview.

"What was your dream? Did you ever have a dream? Some goal you wanted to reach?"

The barista keeps quiet for a while, gaze directed to the half empty mug on the table. Jongin waits and almost speaks up again when Sehun finally opens his mouth, voice as quiet as a whisper.

"I wanted to become a barista. This coffee shop has always been my dream."

Jongin frowns and he sees the expression mirrored on the other's face.

"A different dream," Jongin says then, unbelieving.

"There is no other dream," Sehun admits.

"Are you serious?" Jongin does not like his own voice rising like that, but he cannot help it. Sehun seems stubborn and is absolutely not acting the way Jongin wants him to. He hates it, hates when characters develop their own quirks that do not fit the plot he has planned for them.

"Yeah. I never thought about anything else," Sehun mumbles, head hanging low. On other days Jongin might feel bad for intimidating Sehun or for crashing his mood, but today Jongin is too frustrated to think straight. Sehun's replies feel too much like a personal attack, as silly as it sounds. Because Sehun is everything Jongin should have been. Sehun is the kind of person who is loved by parents and friends because he has a gentle, pleasant nature, whereas Jongin throws tantrums, insisting on everything to go his way. Sehun is the perfect filial son, too perfect, and Jongin just wishes he wasn't, because now he is comparing himself to Sehun. Sehun is a friend and should not be seen as a rival.

It is too late now though. Their friendly relationship has shifted into something different the moment Jongin packs his things and gets up to leave without another word.

 

 

Sometimes Jongin hates himself. He wishes he was a different person. And now he wishes he was more like Sehun.

 

 

Jongin wonders when things started to go wrong. Was it when he decided to defy his parents? Or was it a long time before? Was it when he won the first price with his drawings for the first time? Was it the first time his parents praised him for his obvious talent in drawing and painting? Was it the moment he held a pencil in his hand for the first time, drawing random patterns that filled him with content? Jongin does not know and thinking about it causes him not only a headache, but heartache, too. He loves drawing, but at times he feels lonely. His assistants don’t stay over at night, usually, and they do not talk much to him because Jongin prefers to work in silence. He misses social interactions, but most of all, he misses his family. He misses having a family.

 

 

Kim Jongin at the age of three is a quiet boy. He is not as loud as the other kids in his class, preferring to sit inside with the girls and drawing pictures. There are a few other boys sitting there with him, trying to craft swords and fold hats, but Jongin is not into that. Instead he uses colorful crayons to draw his mother, his father, his best friend Kyungsoo and his teacher. He draws his house, the Han river he visited last week, the tree right next to his kindergarten. He draws the neighbor's cat and Pororo, the ducks he was feeding the day before and the dog he saw in the park. Jongin draws and draws, and he does not stop. His eyes are sparkling and it is with fascination that he sees a red square turning orange when his blue crayon runs over it, and for the first time in his life, Jongin is in love. He does not know that it is his love and passion yet, but he learns it over the years as he grows up and broadens his range of vocabulary.

His parents are always right there, watching over him with loving eyes. Their son is growing up well, diligent in his studies and obedient. He listens well and loves his parents as much as they love him. But parental love in his early years does not mean the same as parental love when Jongin is in his teenage years. Mrs. Kim is barely at home, and although Jongin is used to not have his father around at all times, it does affect him when his mother is not at home anymore.

Jongin is starting elementary school when his mother starts picking up work again. She might have taken a break from work for several years to tend to her only son, but that has not stopped her from working on documents and calculations at home. After all, she helps her husband with his company, and once Jongin is old enough to go to school, Mrs. Kim works full time again. Being a secretary and personal assistant to her husband means leaving home for business trips though, both parents going abroad to settle business, leaving a young child at home with a relative.

Jongin's aunt is a friendly woman, full of love for her nephew who has to spend so much time apart from his parents. And he receives that much more love for being a good child, doing his homework and getting extra praise from his teachers for his drawings that have been improving over the years. Childish, uncontrolled lines are now replaced by measured strokes, random colors replaced by ones who have been chosen for a wanted harmonic or contrasting effect. Jongin's paintings give an insight to his feelings and wants, mostly pictures of a family, of a house, of idyllic, serene scenes. And each time his parents come back to find his painting being put up for an exhibition, they praise him and tell him what a talented, wonderful son he is, for not being only smart but creative, too. When Mr. Kim ruffles his son's hair, telling how proud he is, Jongin could not be any happier.

But of course, happiness does not last forever. It never does. When at first, his parents have given him pocket money to spend on paintbrushes and colors, investing money in art classes and personal art teachers to tutor him at home and to hone his talent, they are less pleased to find him spending all of his time in front of a canvas or at his desk – to draw, and not to study. Their conversations shift. It is not about what art competition Jongin has signed up for next, but it is about his choice of school. What about that one prestigious middle school half an hour away? Or the one famous for educating the most promising managers and business strategists of the nation? How does that one school with a special program supported by Yonsei University sound? Or would Jongin rather prefer to attend Seoul National later? Definitely not Korea University, as his father is a Yonsei graduate. Jongin can only stay mum, because the school of his dreams is none of that, but Seoul Arts Academy. And as for middle school, he just wants to go to the local one with all his friends. Are public schools not just as good as private ones anyways?

For one whole year, every conversation with his parents has been a talk about which middle school to go to, despite Jongin not participating. It is only his parents arguing. Jongin gets a headache during the rare times he has dinner with his parents, often gulping down his food as fast as possible so he can excuse himself with being busy with homework. His parents are okay with that, not bothering as they pick up their talk, throwing statistics of the different schools and their evaluation at each other as Jongin walks to his room. His heavy heart only lightens when he starts drawing, watching with the same fascination as in his childhood when watercolors mix together into different hues. The result might not always be a usable color or a beautiful one, but Jongin loves watching the way they mix nonetheless.

When Jongin starts middle school, he feels small and sad and forlorn as he walks down an unknown hallway filled with strangers. There is no Do Kyungsoo to walk to class with him. Instead, Jongin is driven to school every day. There is no Byun Baekhyun to talk his ears off. Instead, Jongin finds himself surrounded by students talking to each other but not paying any attention to him. It is okay, he comforts himself, and in the quiet corners of the library he indulges in his passion, sketching out as much as possible, scenes that he wants to put on his big canvas at home.

It is in middle school that Jongin discovers Western comics, Japanese manga and Korean webcomics. He immerses himself into them, loving them even more than his paintings. After all, the creators express themselves through their comics, directing messages to readers who are willing to listen, or create worlds for themselves and everyone else to escape to. Jongin with no one to listen to him is happy to find a new way to talk. He starts drawing short comics.

He starts uploading his own artworks soon, cataloguing and categorizing them neatly right from the start. He is happy with that. But soon enough, his drawings draw the attention of bloggers and fans as he starts off with fanarts and doujinshis to his most favorite series. Unlike majority of male readers, Jongin does not love the action series in Shounen Jump the most, but is madly in love with heart wrenching love stories, slice of life that reminds him of the real world. Those touch him the most, despite being fiction, yet they are so close to reality, what with the struggles for love, for recognition, for a tiny bit of attention. Jongin struggles, too, struggles desperately for all three, yet he receives none, at least not from the people he needs it the most. Well, he does get some love and attention, he thinks, when he wakes up one day to read the first ever comment he receives online. Not from his parents, but this is still better than having no one at all.

_You are an amazing person. I love your drawings, but I love the story you created, too. Keep going! Fighting!!!_

It starts from there. Little by little, Jongin's drawings garner a little crowd of fans and admirers. Jongin thrives off it, but he does not lose his footing. He does not get arrogant, but he is thankful for every little word of encouragement instead. And encouragement it is when they tell him that he would make it big one day, that they would buy his volumes if he was to publish a manhwa ever. Scared of the outcome but excited at the same time, Jongin follows a reader's suggestion and sends in his first original artwork - the story has always been his, but now the characters are entirely created by himself, too. And when he gets a letter congratulating him on winning first prize, Jongin knows he has made the right decision.

Apparently, the publishing house he sent his short story to is interested in his works. They send him Chanyeol, a young and inexperienced, but devoted editor as contact. Chanyeol is the one who goes through his portfolio and promises him they would make it big together; a manhwa artist is nothing without a good editor after all. How true Chanyeol's words prove to be, at that time Jongin does not know. He is only sixteen and an aspiring talent and very much green.

It is Chanyeol who encourages him to try entering another competition, a bigger one that grants him a chance to get his story published. Being one of the three winners will guarantee him an easier entrance into the business, Chanyeol has told him. Maybe it was then that Jongin has decided for himself to stick with that career, foregoing whatever his parents tell him and want him to be. It is not like they actually care about what he is doing either. They focus on his grades at school, but that is about all. Not once have they been asking how he has been _feeling_ for the past few years.

 

 

"Jongin," Chanyeol breathes out and Jongin feels goosebumps forming. He hates to hear people breathing out like that, especially when he is forced to hear them so loudly over his phone. At the same time he is dreading what Chanyeol has to say now. Chanyeol might not be the editor-in-chief, but as an apprentice he has been allowed to go into the meeting to observe and learn, and thus he has been to the meeting discussing on the winners for that one contest Jongin has joined. Does he want to know the results?

"First of all," Chanyeol says and Jongin sits down on his bed. His heart is pounding fast and he is not sure if he can keep listening to the other. He might have to throw up with all this nervousness, he might faint.

"I want you to know that being the number one in competitions like these is not the most important. The editors' and chief editor's opinions and reviews are the most important and helpful to a rookies like you." _Oh_. Jongin's stomach drops. Of course. What did he expect? Winning first prize, getting published immediately and becoming a nationwide loved manhwa artist? That is too good to be true.

"Listen," Chanyeol continues on, ignoring Jongin's lack of response. "Just because you did not get first prize does not mean you should give up. The editors had only praise for you. You do really well in the drawing department. Your drawing is steady throughout the fifty pages and they praised you for cleanliness. You have an eye for panel partition and all the technical stuff. Your stories are really good, too. You just need to work more on characterization and how to word things, but that's a thing I can help you with. It was not enough for first prize, but you won third prize. Congratulations, Jongin. Your story will be published."

Chanyeol's rush of words has been a little too much for Jongin to process, but when he does a few minutes later, his eyes well up in tears and Jongin keeps thanking the other. There are no words for the mix of relief, happiness, gratitude and determination within him. After this one first major success, Jongin just knows that he can’t stop anymore. _Fuck high school_ , he thinks. _I'll become manhwa artist_.

 

 

His parents are having none of these of course. When he brings up the topic of his own future wishes, they shut him off. Jongin is not used to hear harsh words from his parents; at least he is not used to being called an ungrateful brat, a bad son, a disappointment. He bites down the retort he so badly wants to throw at them. After all, he cannot hurt his parents, even if they hurt him. He remembers too vividly his mother's kind words and his father's proud gaze as he tells a five-year old Jongin what a wonderful child and a gift he is. Jongin blinks, forcing the tears back down as his hands ball into fists at his sides.

Jongin is known to be stubborn, and even with his parents disagreeing with him, he does not let them deter him from doing what he has always wanted to do: expressing himself through art. He keeps in contact with Chanyeol, still drawing, even as he is attending that one expensive private high school that his parents send him to.

Chanyeol becomes his best friend and supporter during that time, always planning and plotting with Jongin. What they do is not entirely legal, as Jongin needs his parents’ consent, but no one knows that Jongin has been using his father's name stamp and faking his signature for all the legal documents he needs to be signed for each and every story that he gets published and is paid for.

Despite his hatred for lies and deceit, Jongin has no other option if he wants to stay on this path. The professional fee he gets is wired on a savings account that Chanyeol is keeping for him, just so he can use it in case he needs it. And Jongin knows that he will need it. Once he finishes high school, he wants to move into an own studio apartment to follow his dreams. Being with his parents he would never be able to, as they will pose their wishes on him and with his own want to please his parents he will most probably obey and give up his own wants one day. Like this though, he is still holding onto a little but strong enough thread of hope to keep him going.

Jongin works day and night. When he is finished with homework and a bit of studies, enough to keep his grades at the same level, he would start drawing. When his parents are at home, his room is locked, so they cannot catch him in the act. Not that it is necessary though. As long as he says he is studying for another test or preparing a project for school, his parents do not enter his room even once. As long as his performance does not drop, they do not see a need to intervene and check up on him, and Jongin is glad they leave him alone. They don’t even send him to a hakweon, believing that he is doing fine on his own. Their son is smart after all, they keep saying, and Jongin pretends to be happy when his father looks proud as he ruffles through Jongin's hair. He pretends not to hear his heart breaking because the only time his father is proud is when he sees the fake image of himself that Jongin has built up over the years. Where is the pride and love for Jongin for simply being Jongin?

 

 

It is almost too easy. Jongin has graduated just today. His parents have attended the ceremony, both standing happy and proud next to a tired looking, yet still smiling Jongin. They have seen him go on stage and accept his graduation diploma. Jongin is sure that next to the family picture of him being squeezed between both his parents, there will be dozens more of him on that stage for each award and extra nominations he had gotten.

It hurts when he thinks about it and maybe it is not that easy. Jongin wants to leave home and he is standing in front of the entrance door, a small suitcase filled with only the few drawing utensils he still has left here, as well as his photo albums and a few other prized possessions. His clothes will be left behind as he does not want to take things with him that he can buy with his own money. Jongin keeps lingering there, waiting for something to happen. Maybe his parents will be back, telling him that they are not going on that business trip anymore. Or maybe they will take a flight tomorrow instead. After all, it is their only son's graduation day; how can they not have dinner to celebrate with him?

When Jongin receives a phone call from Chanyeol ten minutes later, he knows that is the sign to leave. He is legal now, not dependent on his parents, and he does not want to depend on them ever again. Dependency requires compliance and that is what Jongin cannot give when he has no chance to bargain and get a compromise at least.

 

 

Jongin recalls the past as he lies awake in bed that night. The streams of tears have ceased by now. He cannot cry anymore, the physical act just as tiring as the negative thoughts that come with them. But even without crying he has all these dark thoughts, the what ifs. What if his parents want him back? What if they would have agreed to leave him some freedom? What if they could have found a different way to solve the conflicting wishes of parents and son? When Jongin thinks about that, he regrets leaving a letter without a contact. His parents do not have his new phone number as his old cell phone must still be in his room. For a fleeting moment he thinks about calling them instead of waiting for his parents to make the first move, but then he discards it. No. He won't let them talk him into taking over the family business. He won't give them the chance to, because he knows that after years of separation he still loves and longs for his parents’ love and recognition. He wants his mom's beaming eyes on him and his father's proud look, the hand ruffling his hair. He wants to hear those words again. _Jongin, you're a gift. I'm so proud of you, son._

But he wants this life, too. He wants this career.

 

 

If there is one thing that Jongin has inherited from his father, it is his stubbornness. After making that spectacular exit, the manhwa artist does not plan on visiting Sehun ever again. He stays at home and gets his meals delivered, with Chanyeol coming to check up on his non-existent progress.

It is frustrating, to say the least. Because no matter what he is doing, Jongin's thoughts keep returning to the good-looking barista and he just gets that feeling that he _has_ to draw Sehun. So whenever he tries to work on new characters and plots, only soft smiles and the scent of coffee fills his mind and he zones out.

Chanyeol does not ask why he is trying to come up with new plots when he has told his editor about the barista with so much enthusiasm before. After a week though, even the most patient person gets anxious. Chanyeol is rarely harsh with his words, but when he tells Jongin to get his shit together and present him with a plot the next day, the artist knows that he will need to talk to Sehun again. After all, he still wants to draw Sehun's story and how can he do that when he cannot fully grasp the other's feelings and logic? And so he finds himself going back to the café a week after the last time he walked out on the other, his smile sheepish, a hand rubbing his nape in embarassment.

 

 

Sehun smiles at him. Jongin can sense the other's relief and only then Jongin understands that he has been in the wrong. He shouldn't have stormed out of the café without an explanation. Even if Sehun did not hold on to him to ask what was wrong, it was still an unacceptable move. Sehun must have been confused and worried, and Jongin mumbles a short apology, fully intent of explaining his odd behavior. He has to make room for the next customer though, and so Jongin sits down at his usual place, content to find it vacated.

Sometime later Sehun comes to him with his order and a sketchbook Jongin has been searching for a while. He never guessed that he might have left it here, and it is a bit embarrassing to him, because he has been drawing Sehun only, studying the other's movement and expression, so he can use these as references later. It is always the easiest to draw when there is a real life model, but that also means that Sehun must have seen all of his works. What must Sehun be thinking, having someone fill a whole book with sketches of him?

"Thanks for keeping it," Jongin mumbles, going through the pages just so he won't have to look at Sehun and see the other's reaction. He blinks when he reaches the last page that he does not remember having drawn on. There is a two-panel comic with just stick figures hugging and apologizing to each other in the first and being best friends again and holding hands in the second part. It is oddly endearing although it is nowhere close to a drawing style that Jongin likes or admires. He laughs, even if he remembers that he hates people touching his sketchbook without permission. Drawing into it usually means the end of a friendship, but Sehun is an exception.

"And thanks for the drawing," Jongin adds. "But I think I should be the one apologizing. I just left without explaining and you must have been worried. I'm sorry for that. I just needed some time to think. Are we friends again?"

Sehun is speechless, at least he does not reply right away, and Jongin grows antsy, too. It takes a moment until there is a visible reaction and the artist feels relieved when a beautiful smile blooms on the other's face. Talk about flower boys, Jongin is sure that someone like Sehun could easily become an idol; even if he starts late with a career in the showbiz, with a face like that, youthful like a teenager with no hint of him being in his mid-twenties already, he is sure to become the next big hit. That is if he can sing and dance, Jongin thinks.

"Were we friends before?" Sehun asks, almost shyly, and Jongin is just as shy when he replies.

"Uh... well, I considered you a friend."

"So we're friends," Sehun whispers, smile growing a tad happier. Jongin has to look away because it makes him feel weird, an odd feeling he has not had since Jung Soojung in middle school. But middle school is so, so long ago, how can he even remember how it felt like? This is not like middle school, Jongin thinks, forcing that feeling to disperse.

 

 

They talk a lot that day. Jongin moves to sit behind the counter. There is a stool and a tiny table where he can sketch and talk to Sehun, who is busy with creating a new drink while serving customers in between. Jongin learns that Sehun is a perfectionist when it comes to his barista job, because no matter how much he praises Sehun's new creation, the other is not quite happy with the results, changing the ratio of coffee and the extras with every new cup he makes. There really is no difference, Jongin thinks, but he does not say it out loud, fearing it might offend the other.

It is not only Jongin learning a bit more about Sehun though. Sehun learns a lot about him, too, or at least Jongin hopes the other has listened to his story. He has told Sehun about his childhood, his dreams, his plans, his parents and Chanyeol. What started out as an explanation for his rude behavior the last time they met ended up as Jongin presenting his biography. Jongin talks a lot that day, not necessarily sketching and drawing, but just by talking like that he feels closer to his plot already. There are ideas swimming in his head, vague ones, but he is sure once he is close enough, once he catches them, they will just materialize on paper without much efforts.

Despite being here since the early morning hours, Jongin stays until Sehun closes the shop. He makes up an excuse, saying he wants to observe Sehun's habits and workday until it really ends, although he can already predict that Sehun will just wash the remaining dishes, clean up, check up on his stocks and doing the accounting. And when Sehun locks the door half an hour later, Jongin invites him to eat dinner together.

"Really?" Sehun asks, eyes wide. "You want to eat dinner with me?"

Jongin chuckles. "Yeah, I wouldn't have asked if I did not want to."

"Wow," Sehun mumbles. "This is the first time I'm eating out with a friend for a long time." And Jongin can guess for how long - ever since Sehun had to take care of this shop. Isn’t that almost a decade?

Sehun does not say so and he does not look like it, but Jongin thinks that he must feel lonely. If only Jongin could spend more time with the other. With his new project rolling off and hopefully being serialized, Jongin is sure that he won't be able to see Sehun much in the future and that thought makes him sad.

 

 

He feels relieved. Talking to Sehun has helped him to understand that while Sehun has chosen that path, staying a filial son, that does not mean that Sehun is any better than Jongin. Choosing his own path or going down the path someone else has chosen, both are equally good and bad decisions, having their own pros and cons. And just because Jongin has decided to do what he wants for himself instead of listening to his parents does not mean that he is a bad, selfish person. Sehun is selfish, too, he has confessed, and Jongin smiles just remembering the other's words.

 

 

"I mean," Sehun said, licking at his lips. "Just because I chose what my parents wished I would choose does not mean I did it because of selflessness. I think I chose that path because I wanted my family to love me more, but unfortunately, my parents did not live long enough to be proud of me."

"I'm sorry," Jongin interrupted, feeling bad for bringing up sad memories, but the other just smiled, shaking his head.

"It is fine. I still have my grandfather who loves me a lot. He keeps telling me how proud he is on the days that he still remembers me."

Jongin could only nod, not wanting to force a smile that would look like pity to the other. Sehun did not need nor did he want that. And having the other's smile growing wider, the artist knew he had made the right choice.

"Out of us two, you might be the more selfish one, choosing the easier option" he retorted instead. Sehun shrugged.

"Probably. Those who seek for everyone's approval are usually the most self-centered ones."

And Sehun might be right, but at the same time Sehun is the exception that proves the rule, too. Jongin has never seen a person quite as righteous as Sehun, never wanting more than what he thought he deserved. Sehun is a humble person, concerned with others, and that Jongin feels happy about.

 

 

Jongin is in high spirits again. He sees things in a different light and what has been a mystery to him once is now easily readable. Sehun is not a too complicated person, simple and loving the simple, and once Jongin has grasped that, it is easy to imagine a plot revolving around his muse.

Plotting comes easily to him when he is daydreaming, imagining himself and Sehun as the protagonists. Surely, Jongin has always taken bits of himself to work into his characters and stories, but he has never stayed close to originals before. The story that he is developing now is the story of a random customer taking an interest in the pretty shop owner. After all, people are yearning for romance and Jongin knows that better than anyone else when there have been so many letters from fans asking him to work some romance into his manhwa. And when he had done that once, his sales increased by a nice amount, proving once again that humans and society today were too obsessed with the idea of finding an ideal partner.

The longer he thinks about it though, the more difficult Jongin finds it to outline the story. If he wants romance, he will have to turn one of his characters female. Sehun is male though, and so he wants to keep the barista in his story male, too. On the other hand, Jongin is too manly and proud to turn the other protagonist, based off of himself, into a female. It is some kind of stupid, petty pride but Jongin is adamant about it.

It takes him a lot of time to decide, because pepping up the story with some romance is a must if he wants to continue selling well. He cannot draw two males falling in love though, mainly because of his reputation, and also because of the magazine that he is publishing in. His regular readers love him for his sensitivity, the way he conveys emotions between men and women, and within his genre - slice of life - he depicts what is the norm. Society today is still not accepting the love between two males, even if it less of a rare occurrence now, and so he has no other choice but to make his couple a straight couple.

Of course he has another choice, always, but Jongin does not want to think about the audience's reception if he ever was to draw a same sex couple. People will think of him as gay, knowing that Kim Kai is a male manhwa artist. Only homosexual guys would draw boy x boy, right? Jongin is not homosexual. He never was and he never will be.

But of course his own conscience won't leave it as it questions why Jongin has to draw a romantic story. Why can’t he just depict friendship when the real life relationship between Sehun and Jongin is just that - platonic friendship? Within the blink of an eye, Jongin finds his brain working and coming to the conclusion that with his daydreaming of a romantic relationship between his two protagonists, the barista and the customer, he has just admitted that he likes Sehun more than just as friend. After all, drawing is his creative outlet, his stories somewhat a mirror of his own life. Jongin might have a crush on Sehun, might have wanted to picture himself and Sehun together. They would look good as a couple, right?

Jongin faceplants onto his desk, ignoring the pain he just induced on his nose. There are far worse things, like his infatuation with a certain pretty faced and soft-hearted boy.

Jongin is doomed. Very much so.

 

 

It takes Jongin a whole day pondering over it, and it is only with Chanyeol urging him to make a decision for the basic plot that the artist has finally chosen to make Sehun's character female . It would work, right? The story of a filial daughter and hardworking shop owner, combined with a male counterpart. It is romance that sells the best, and Jongin thinks his newest work - if he gets it serialized that is - might become quite popular.

And if he thinks about it, Sehun with his pretty features and his calming aura and personality would make a perfect girl. It is nothing bad, a compliment actually, but Sehun will most likely not appreciate it. After all, no man wants to be called pretty. No straight man at least. And Sehun is surely straight. Jongin wants to crash his face into the wall at that thought, if only to distract from the pain in his heart. He really does like Sehun more than he should, and unrequited love is what Jongin has never been good at handling, neither in love life nor in his family life.

 

 

Jongin spends a week furiously working on his plot and manuscript. So far, he has a basic storyline, but depending on the audience's reception as well as his mood and his inspiration he might alter it a bit later. As for now he has planned out the first few chapters.

Jieun, his barista and coffee shop owner, meets novellist Sungho for the first time. They do not talk, each just doing their job. It is in the second chapter that Sungho will talk to her more than just giving an order. He talks to her about coffee and drinks, compliments her on the ambience in her shop, and Jongin feels himself reminded of his first time talking to Sehun. Jieun has the same expression Sehun has in that panel, and she replies in the same way Sehun does, calm and softly.

Over the course of a week, Jongin has finished rough drafts for the first three chapters and he has even finished the manuscript for the first one, clean and ready for print if it goes through the serial meeting, along with a few designs and sketches for the characters and locations.

It is the day of the serial meeting that Jongin decides he needs a breather. He has worked constantly after all, and Chanyeol, too, seems satisfied with his work. He feels a bit bad for making things difficult for his best friend and editor, but in the end, it is worth it, right? His story has potential, even if it has more of a shoujo tinge than his usual works. It is more mainstream than his regular work, which means it will sell easier and be more popular overall. He should have a fair chance to get it through, but it does not mean that crossing fingers and praying for it wouldn't help. He has visited the temple earlier, modest with wishing for a serialization and not nationwide success. He just wants and needs a regular income again.

In the afternoon, Jongin finds himself in Sehun's coffee shop. Since he is taking a day off, it seems to be only right to visit his friend to tell him of his progress. After all, Jongin still does not have Sehun's number, and he will probably never get it, seeing how shy he is now. Wouldn't Sehun feel weirded out if he asked for it out of the blue?

Jongin is not scheming anything, but he has brought a copy of his script over, just to show his progress. Despite his initial worries that Sehun might feel offended, seeing his character turned female, he has still decided to. After all, he has asked Sehun to be the muse for his newest work, so sooner or later Sehun will know what he has done.

Biting down on his lip, Jongin watches Sehun going through the pages. The soothing piano melody in the background does not help calm his nerves. He is too focused on the other and with no change in expression it is difficult to read what the barista might be thinking. It is only when Sehun returns the script that there is a reaction, a more positive one than expected.

"The girl... Jieun... that is me, right?" Sehun asks. He only laughs when Jongin nods meekly, and the artist feels immediate relief when he cannot detect anger or irritation in the other's stance. He returns the grin.

"But Sungho, the customer... that's you, right?" Sehun asks after a while. Jongin is glad he has swallowed the mouthful of green tea latte or else he might have choked, or worse, spit it right into Sehun's face. Like this though, all he does is sinking deeper into his seat, wishing Sehun was a bit denser. Or is it Jongin's fault for being too obvious? The glint in Sehun's eyes is a knowing one that Jongin escapes as fast as he can, getting up and mumbling something about having another appointment.

 

 

Jongin has more or less a week off . Actually, he should be working more on his manuscript, but having done most of the mandatory work - two completed chapters ready for print and submitted - he only needs to draw at least one chapter a month now, starting with rough sketches and a script before turning it into a complete manuscript for his editor to pick up.

With Jongin's high spirits lately, Chanyeol is a bit more lenient, too. He does not want to dampen Jongin's mood and has thus agreed for Jongin to spend a week at Sehun's café for research purposes, meaning taking notes and sketching a bit, spending time with Sehun on top of that. Except, Sehun has other plans for him.

"How are you supposed to know the work of a barista if you only watch? Try it," Sehun has said, and a very reluctant Jongin - reluctant because he is scared to make mistakes and ruin his friend's business - follows. Friend, Jongin thinks and promptly dazes off into his own world. He only wakes when Sehun nudges him, suddenly standing so close to him he can feel Sehun's soft breath tickling his neck. Jongin shudders.

"Hey, did you even watch? I'm teaching you the basics. You will surely need this to make your manhwa more authentic," Sehun says, lips pushed forward into a pout. Jongin is not sure if he has ever seen that expression before. Probably not. If he has, he would remember because that face makes him want to do a lot of different things to and with Sehun.

"Sorry, could you show me again?" He asks sheepishly. Sehun nods and smiles, explaining the basics of coffee art again. Jongin thinks he is lucky, because Sehun is so, so patient with him, and also, because Sehun seems oblivious to Jongin’s admiring stares.

And patient Sehun proves to be over the whole course of a week. No matter how much Jongin screws up - confusing latte with frappe, unable to handle the cashing machine, creating the ugliest coffee art faces despite his talent for arts, and a lot more that Jongin has done wrong - yet Sehun has not yelled at him once. Sehun has not even sighed at his clumsiness or his stupidity, but has explained to Jongin again and again how to do things, voice and smile as kind as ever.

By the end of the week, Jongin feels a bit sad that his small workshop is ending. After all, he has grown closer to Sehun, casually talking while working alongside each other, but also talking because they had dinner together every day after Sehun closed his shop. More than that though, Jongin has truly enjoyed Sehun's presence, his sweetness, his gentleness, his occasional witty remark. He has also enjoyed Sehun's clinginess, not minding how physical Sehun is when he gets attached to people. There are fleeting touches, like a pat on the shoulder, a hand brushing his or simply the proximity at which Sehun stands right next to him or behind him. Sehun has not hesitated to take his hand and guide them to fill up and measure cups, correcting Jongin's stance without asking if Jongin is okay with skinship. Not that he would have protested. Jongin is okay with skinship, especially when it is with his crush.

Oh my God, he thinks. There is no denial now.

Jongin likes Sehun a lot and it might be even more than just a simple crush.

 

 

"This is it," Sehun says and Jongin panics. He is bringing Sehun back to his coffee shop after having dinner together, knowing that Sehun lives on the second floor of that building. But really, what does Sehun mean with those words? Is the end of Jongin's research also the end to their friendship?

"The way you say it... It sounds like goodbye forever," Jongin mumbles.

"It is not," Sehun reassures quickly. "It just means the end of your workshop or practical experience, whatever you like to call it. You are welcome to visit me any time."

"I will," Jongin promises. "We're good friends now, right?"

Sehun agrees and Jongin does not know if he should be disappointed about it or not. After all, being a good friend is better than just an acquaintance or just a friend. At least this means they are somewhat close; though nowhere close enough to how much Jongin wishes them to be.

"I'll try to stop by as often as possible," Jongin promises.

"Sure. I'll treat you to the special menu of the day then."

"Can’t you let me choose from the menu by myself? What if I don’t like the menu of the day?"

Sehun hums, seemingly in thought. "Okay. Whatever you want to, I'll treat you to it, as long as it is on the menu."

Jongin nods. He wishes so much that Sehun would put himself on the menu, too, but only on the special menu card that will be given to Jongin and Jongin only. Jongin does not like to share.

 

 

It is only a week of indulgence that Jongin can allow to give himself . No matter how much he wants to be around Sehun, there is a far more important thing. His job is a commitment and he is legally obliged to fulfill everything that has been set in his contract. Not to mention that drawing has been his first love. It still holds a special place in his heart, and now that he is starting to draw more regularly again, Jongin rediscovers his love for it.

Sometimes it is a tedious work. Not only does he have to think of dialogues and make different suggestions in plotting a chapter and dividing the panels, but he has to keep up with the aesthetics, too. He finds thrill in it though, especially when he gets to make an additional cover page for the magazine, or when he gets to make special color pages or an extra mini comic. Jongin loves it when he gets to draw all the extra things next to his regular fifty to sixty pages long chapters. It brings a bit of change in the usually black and white only art that he does.

The second month in serialization, Jongin gets an assistant, too. His assistant is a quiet man in his thirties who does a great job with all the small details Jongin cannot find the time to put all his heart and dedication to. He is thankful for the support, more so, because it gives him a few breathers in between, breathers that he uses to visit Sehun. His visits are not often, maybe once every two or three weeks at most, and Jongin keeps them short. He is drowned in work, but he tries to balance it out somehow, balancing his fans' request for more and his own selfish wishes for a glimpse of the barista named Sehun.

 

 

Whenever Jongin meets up with Sehun now while he is still working on his manhwa series - it is doing unexceptionally well, better than Jongin has imagined because it looks so much like a cliché plotline, yet he manages to put in little twists to the story - they only go have dinner together for two hours at most and then they part. Today though, things are different, when Sehun asks him shyly if they could go have coffee and some dessert after. And who is Jongin to say no to Sehun? There is a pile of work at home, a few more pages to ink, a few more sketches to make and submit for approval, but today, with Sehun giving him this look that speaks of fear of rejection, Jongin pushes the thought of work far away. Just today he will indulge himself, but also Sehun who has never asked him to do anything for him so far. Jongin thinks it is about time to give something back to Sehun to show his gratitude and to show how much he appreciates this friendship.

It takes a while for Jongin to understand, and only when they sit facing each other with a cake on the table does Jongin finally get why Sehun is acting so different today. Jongin blinks when Sehun lights up the little candle on the cake and smiles.

"Is it your birthday?" Jongin asks dumbly and Sehun nods, lips pressed tightly together.

There are a few more questions Jongin wants to ask, such as why Sehun did not tell him earlier, but watching the candle burning down, almost dripping wax on the cake, he sings _happy birthday_ three times faster than it is supposed to and motions Sehun to blow the candle out. The other does, eyes sparkling and expression so bright Jongin cannot help but fall in love some more. Sehun looks young and his expression is so pure and honest it makes Jongin want to protect him and cherish him forever.

 

 

"You should have told me earlier," Jongin mumbles when they have finished the cake. "If I knew, I would have gotten you a little present." Sehun has been beaming the whole time that it was difficult for Jongin to keep a straight face. He wanted to chuckle and ruffle through Sehun's now dyed locks. The chocolate brown suits him, Jongin thinks absent mindedly, and it suits his barista image and his coffee shop, too.

Sehun shakes his head. "You are busy, so I did not want to burden you. I knew you would want to give me a gift, but you spending some of your precious time with me is already enough. It is a great enough gift. Really."

"If you say so," Jongin mumbles, but he still feels bad for it, even if it is not his fault that Sehun has not told him early enough. As if reading his thoughts, Sehun grins at him and makes a suggestion.

"Well, if you want to give me a present, how about you going to noraebang with me and pay for that? If you still have a bit time to spare."

Jongin grins. "Deal. Let's go."

 

 

They spend about an hour in the noraebang. Jongin has chosen the fanciest one around to make it a nice and memorable day for Sehun and the 30,000 Won he spent are worth it. They have drinks, snacks and ice cream refills as much as they want, but the best of all is listening to Sehun's voice. Sehun might not be the greatest singer, singing off key more often than not, but it is his enthusiasm that makes his performance entertaining to watch. Jongin has to do his best and stifle his laughter, because most of the songs Sehun chooses are trot songs, and Jongin has not heard them for ages. He remembers his father listening to them quite a lot, but ever since he left his parents' house he has been avoiding everything that might remind him of his family. And still, the way Sehun sings the songs it does not remind him of his father at all. All Jongin sees is the cute barista he has fallen in love with, and all he wishes is for the night to never end. Eventually though, they are sent away after their service time is up, too.

"Thank you," Sehun mumbles when they step out on the streets, the night breeze cool and fresh on their skin. "I had fun. Really, thank you. I have not had this much fun since forever. And I have not celebrated my own birthday for years either." The words sound anything but bitter with the way Sehun says them. Jongin can feel the gratitude and he can feel the happiness, too. It is almost contagious, spreading to him as well. In the heat of the moment, Jongin gets spontaneous and grabs Sehun's wrist.

"Your birthday is not over yet. It is nowhere close to midnight. Let's do some more fun things." And with that he pulls Sehun along, meeting light resistance that subsides in a laughably short amount of time. Not even two seconds and Sehun is laughing, urging him to hurry so they won’t waste too much time on getting to the fun places.

 

 

Obviously, what Jongin understands as fun is not the same as Sehun. They are sitting in Oh's Heaven now, a few bottles of soju between them, as well as cider. Sehun eyes the alcohol suspiciously, his eyes wandering to glance at Jongin's face every once in a while. Jongin laughs.

"Did you never drink alcohol before?"

Sehun huffs. "I did, but I do not like the taste."

Jongin can imagine. He has learned that Sehun has a sweet tooth, and for his own drinks, Sehun prefers fruity flavors or chocolate with a hint of milk and enough sugar to make him happy. Jongin is a bit surprised that Sehun has not been diagnosed with diabetes yet, but he is sure it will happen if there are no interventions. Even if Sehun ensures he only has one cup of any of his sugary drinks a day, drinking water otherwise, he does not know how honest Sehun is with that.

"You're an adult though, and adults at least have a toast on their birthday. Come on, Sehun, just one glass!" Jongin makes his puppy eyes, hoping that it will work. When Sehun sighs he knows that he has been successful.

"Here." Jongin pushes the tall cocktail glass towards Sehun. He has put a shot glass of soju in it, filling the rest of the cocktail glass up to the brim with cider. There shouldn't be much of the soju taste left and he believes that Sehun will actually like it.

"Aren’t you drinking, too?" Sehun complains. Jongin chuckles and fills his own glass, half of it soju, half of it lemonade. Sehun stares with wide eyes, but takes his glass when Jongin moves, too. Their glasses clink together after Jongin gives a toast, and then they drink. Jongin watches with amusement how Sehun seems a bit confused afterwards.

"Wow, it is not bad!" Sehun says. "I did not taste much of the soju."

"There wasn't much soju in there to begin with," Jongin laughs, and the next round, Sehun insists on adding just a tiny bit more soju in his glass.

 

 

By the time their two soju bottles are empty, Sehun is more than tipsy, while Jongin is still surprisingly sober. Maybe he is tipsy, too, but he does not feel like it. His senses are still sharp as ever.

Jongin has to admit that he has been curious to see if Sehun will show another side of himself when being drunk. He does, but it is not what Jongin expected, knowing from his few friends that some of them could turn 180 degrees in their persona once intoxicated. Sehun though, he stays the same. He just talks a bit more openly and willingly than usual, admitting thoughts that Jongin has thought he has been unable to have.

"You know," Sehun whispers, words a soft slur. They are sitting next to each other now, Sehun leaning into Jongin's body. It is comfortable like this, and Jongin is thankful for Sehun's newest investment into a small couch, big enough for up to three people to sit in.

"I thought about what you said," the boy continues. "I wonder where I would be now if I did not decide to keep the coffee shop. Do you think I would have become a world known photographer? I liked taking pictures when I was younger, but I forgot about it when I got more involved with coffee making. What do you think?"

Jongin is not sure what he is thinking, only that if Sehun did not choose this path they would have never met and become close like this. So no matter how much he thinks Sehun shouldn't have been manipulated into feeling obligated to do all of this, he is thankful, too. While he has been thinking about Sehun's wellbeing before, his own is just as important, and Jongin's selfish side tells him that it is perfect with the way things are now.

"I'm sure you would have become a renowned photographer," Jongin replies softly. He wants to say so much more, but decides against it. It is too early to be all mushy and talk about real thoughts and feelings when Jongin is not ready to confess yet. One day he will, but not now.

"That would be cool," Sehun hums in agreement. "I would travel the world and meet so many people and learn about cultures."

Jongin can only hum, listening as Sehun keeps chattering in a quiet, happy tone, stumbling over a few sounds in his excited and slightly intoxicated state.


	3. part three

Jongin wakes up to sunlight falling on his face . It is a lot brighter than usual, without his curtains filtering it. He groans, turning his head to face away from the window. His body is hurting and with a startle he realizes that he is not in his bed. His mattress is soft and comfortable, but he is lying on a hard, solid ground. And since when does his chest feel so heavy?

He blinks his eyes open and looks down, eyes widening more when he spots Sehun there, head resting on his chest. He is not at home. The tiles look a lot like the ones from Oh's Heaven, and a quick look around confirms his assumption. He is currently in Sehun's café, lying on the ground with the coffee shop owner cuddling him. It would be cute, really, if there weren't people staring into the coffee shop, either confused or appalled, a group of high school girls passing even laughing at them. They must imagine something hot and steamy happening between the two of them, even with their clothes still on. Jongin knows fully well that boy x boy love stories sell quite well, even if homosexuality is a taboo topic no one wants to talk about.

As much as Jongin wants to blend out the world and keep snuggling with Sehun - when will he ever get another chance to cuddle like this? - he can’t. He has work to do and Sehun has to get up and operate his shop as well. Not to mention that their cuddling session is not anywhere as intimate and private as Jongin wishes for it to be, what with them being full on display for all the passersby.

"Sehun," he whispers, sitting up, but careful not to move Sehun around too much. He does not want to startle the other. He succeeds in doing so, Sehun now currently resting in his arms. He looks peaceful like that, and with the proximity Jongin can count each long, dark lash contrasting against creamy skin. Sehun's nose is cute, Jongin decides and his eyes wander further down to pink, enticing lips. There is a moment where his reason blacks out for a moment and Jongin leans in, but then Sehun pushes him away with a startled shriek.

"J-Jongin! Oh my God! I did not mean to push you," Sehun apologizes, seemingly awake now. Awake and face flushed red. Jongin is embarrassed, too, knowing that his face must have taken a rosier tone.

"It is okay," he laughs it off, hoping that Sehun has been too sleepy to understand what Jongin just tried to do moments ago. Well, it wasn't that he tried, but rather, his body listened to primitive instincts, rather than reason, and if Jongin thought he was doomed before, only now he knew the dimensions his little crush has grown into.

"Sorry," Sehun mumbles, rubbing his neck awkwardly. It is endearing, like most of the other things Sehun does, and Jongin cannot find it in himself to be mad. Not that he has been mad at Sehun before. He has never been.

"We must have fallen asleep yesterday when talking," Jongin says, getting up to stretch his limbs. He winces when he hears a few joints cracking and sees Sehun frowning, too.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have asked you to spend more time with me. You're busy with your story, right?" Sehun says, now biting on his lower lip. Jongin shakes his head and gives a small smile.

"It’s alright," Jongin says. "You're a very good friend to me. Of course I would spend your birthday with you."

The smile that Sehun sends him in return makes him freeze for a second, heart stopping for a beat. The world seems to be spinning with Sehun smiling like that and it is only Sehun's voice that stops the spinning motion and brings Jongin back to here and now.

"Thank you," Sehun whispers. "I have not had this much fun since forever. You're the first one to celebrate my birthday in years."

 

 

Jongin can’t help it . He is so much in love with Sehun by now that the thought of Sehun, as distracting as it is, becomes his motivation, too. He works in record time, writer's block not bothering him as much as in his previous projects. After all, he wishes to see Sehun as often as possible, and only when he has finished a good portion of his work does he allow himself to take a break and visit his friend.

It is only once a week, but a lot more than the few months before, when he has seen Sehun only every other week at most. The barista has become a part of his life, somehow, and Jongin is happy about it.

Sehun is like a change of wind, refreshing, and the more time he spends with the young man, the more Jongin changes, too. He can feel his temper soothing down. Sehun is so calm, so soft-spoken that Jongin cannot help but adapt, out of fear that his rougher edges might hurt the other.

They have talked about a lot, and with each of their talks, Jongin starts to see things differently. He wonders if the way he has lead his life so far is a good way to live. Is he happy? Fully content? Why did not he choose another option? Another option might not let him have his freedom in his doing, but at least success would feel more like success. He would be prouder of himself if there were more people to share and celebrate with. Despite his current series being a hit, Jongin does not feel very happy about it, not even half as elated as Chanyeol or Sehun are. Jongin bites down on his plush lip, suppressing the fond smile that is threatening to break out and earn him a confused look from his assistant sitting at the desk facing his. _Sehun_ , he thinks and pauses in his motions, stopping midway.

He will probably have to redraw that panel, but it is worth it.

 

 

It is the thought of Sehun that leads Jongin to the door of a house he has never thought about entering ever again. But here he is, standing in front of his parents' house. It still looks the same, even the set of swings is still there, despite Jongin having grown out of it a decade ago.

The keys are rattling in his hands, yet it feels wrong to enter the house. He does not live there anymore, so he does not have any right to just open the door and go inside, right?

Jongin takes a deep breath, gathering all his courage, before he rings the bell. Sehun's words repeat in his head. _Whatever happens, you won't be able to live in peace when you keep thinking about your parents and all the possibilities of things happening if you did this or that, so do it. Talk to them as soon as you can. Things will surely turn out far better than you imagine_.

He smiles when Sehun's face flashes in front of his eyes. He imagines Sehun looking at him with that cute smile of his and that proud expression, not different from when he shares his opinion on Jongin's latest published chapter. He feels optimistic, but once the door opens and he is face to face with his mother, Jongin tenses up. He gets nervous and his smile fades that instant.

 

 

It is awkward to say the least. Jongin has not been home for years and his parents look so much older. His mother is still very elegant, very beautiful, but there are a lot more wrinkles visible than she would want to admit, and his father's hair is greying already, too. Apart from that, everything seems to be like usual.

They are sitting at the dinner table, delicious food presented in front of them, yet no one really enjoys it. The silence is pressuring when there is so, so much to say. Knowing his mother's distaste for starting an argument during a meal, Jongin stays silent. He eats spoon after spoon, sitting back in his chair when he is finished. He does not dare say a word when his father is still eating, likewise for his mother.

Jongin stares down at his half empty bowl. The hunger has vanished and instead, he feels sick. It is nervousness, mixed with hope that he does not want to see shattered. It is hard to admit, but sitting with his parents, Jongin realizes what he has always, always wished for: being a son who could make his parents proud.

"So," his father speaks up. Jongin lifts his head immediately, half looking at his father, but not daring to lock eyes. He is still very well-behaved, despite telling everyone how rebellious he has always been. It is even black on white in his first manhwa series, his bold statement that he does not need anyone, least of all parents that do not understand him. Jongin really wants to take it back now. He just wishes for his relations to his parents to normalize, to have his loving parents back, because he seeks for affection and recognition by the two people that have always been important in his life.

"How have you been doing?" His mother interrupts, giving him a tight-lipped smile that Jongin returns with an equally strained one.

"I've been doing okay," he replies, glancing up to watch his parents' expression. His father seems unfazed, face a mask. "My new series is selling quite well. How have you been doing?"

But of course it does not stay pleasant small talk. His father is fast to cut to real business, straightforward as always.

"Why are you here? Did you plan to come back now? You still have a place in the company, you know." Jongin looks to his mother. She looks hopeful, in contrast to his father's poker face, and he remembers the times when she has told him how fine he did, what a talented son he was, how smart he was. He wishes those times back, wishes he was not such a disappointment, because what he will say now is bound to disappoint her again.

He shakes his head. It is time to speak the truth. "No. I will not work in your company. I have built up my own career. I am an established artist now. I am happy with that. I do not think I am capable enough to handle company matters. You know that as much as I do."

Jongin holds his breath. It is silent for a while and for a moment he hopes, despite the sickening feeling in his gut that it is just the calm before the storm. His father will never accept such a decision, and his mother, no matter how much she loves him, has always followed her husband. Whatever Mr. Kim, head of the family, decides, she will abide by that.

"Is that your final decision?" His father asks then. "Look at me, son. Is that your final decision?"

Jongin gulps. He tilts his head up, looking at his father, the man he has admired so much for leading a successful business, a man with morals and ethics and pride. If only, he could have been proud of Jongin, too.

It would be so easy, Jongin thinks, still staring at his father. It is one of the rare moments that their gazes lock, and like every other time, he feels himself wavering. His father knows best, right? His father only wants the best for him, a well-paid job, a stable career. Jongin could stop his rebel phase and return to his parents, be the good son he has always wished but never had the confidence or capability to be.

"Yes. I will continue drawing. That is my final decision," Jongin says.

It does not hurt at first. Initially, it is just the shock that is numbing him. For the first time in his life, his father has raised his hand and slapped him. Jongin's mother is looking away, while his father stares at him with mixed emotions, face red and chest heaving. He can hear his father panting and the soft sniffles, those sounds can only be his mother crying. Jongin opens his mouth, but no words come out. What is he supposed to say? After all, he has chosen to defy his parents again, the people that have raised him and done their best to provide him with everything he needed. And how did he repay them in the end? With betrayal.

"Leave." Jongin's father says, still standing, still staring, still _glaring_. "I do not have a son like you. Leave this house immediately."

Jongin scrambles onto his feet and whispers an apology before he runs. The tears do not come until he exits the house, leaving behind parents, childhood memories and a few pieces of his shattered heart.

 

 

Jongin has taken a taxi to Sehun's place. He knows that Sehun lives a floor above the coffee shop, and so he tells the address of Oh's Heaven before slumping back into the seats. His tears have long stopped, but he feels so empty and confused. It is cold and lonely, too, and Jongin cannot bear the thought of returning to his studio apartment where nothing but silence will greet him.

He is worried, already betting on his bad luck that day, because Sehun might be sleeping already, not bothering to open the door to him. After all, it is night time now, early for a workaholic like Jongin, but for Sehun who gets up early to prepare for his work this might be bed time already. And Jongin has not announced his visit. He feels anxious, squirming in his seat until they finally reach the coffee shop. He pays the driver and looks up, heart deflating as there are no lights. Maybe he should go home, he thinks.

When he turns around, it is the sight of Sehun greeting him. He blinks, not believing his luck, but then the tears start to flow and Sehun is with him in a second, pulling him into a warm hug.

"Jongin! Are you okay? Let's go inside or you will catch a cold."

 

 

Jongin has never imagined his first time visiting Sehun in the privacy of his own apartment would be like this. Sehun has brought him a cup of hot chocolate with extra cream and marshmallows on top and there is a blanket wrapped around his body, although it is not that cold. Jongin just feels cold with the rejection he has experienced earlier and the feeling of loneliness that has eaten away at him.

They do not speak. Sehun sits right next to him and he can feel the other's gaze, but Sehun does not ask. Jongin is not sure if he is thankful for that or not. Part of him wants to keep it to himself, while another part of him wants to share, to somehow lift the burden. Shared pain is half the pain, right? But does he want Sehun to feel any pain?

Half an hour later, the mug in front of him is empty and Jongin feels only slightly better. Sehun is reading a book next to him. The silence between them is heavy, unbearable, because it reminds him so much of the silence between him and his parents. It shouldn't be like this with Sehun when their times together are always spent with laughter and light conversation. Or at least there is some background music or the sound of other people's chatters. Not so in Sehun's apartment though.

"I talked to my parents today," Jongin whispers, fiddling with his fingers. He does not know if Sehun has heard him. "I told them I wouldn't take over dad's company ever. He got mad and told me to leave. He does not have a son like me, he said."

He does not talk about the details. Retelling what has happened in short is already enough to make him tear up again, and he does not want to bother Sehun more. He whispers a thank you and removes the blanket, ready to leave, but then Sehun pulls him into a hug again. Jongin's face is pressed against Sehun's chest and that is all it needs for the dam to break again. His quiet sniffles turn into wails and sobs, uncharacteristic for Jongin. It is the pent up fears and worries and frustrations that he has to empty now. He is shaking in Sehun's arms, body wrecking with every violent sob.

It must be ugly to watch, Jongin thinks, but he can’t stop himself. The tears and the cries just come, only ceasing when he is exhausted. His throat is sore, no sound coming out except for hiccups, and his tears have dried. Sehun is still holding him, and only now, when he has quietened down does he hear that Sehun has been whispering to him the whole time. _You did well. You did good. You did the right thing. Everything is okay now._

Crying is exhausting, Jongin learns that day. He feels weak, robbed of all energy, so he does not even feel embarrassed when he asks to sleep over. Sehun, being the good friend he is, agrees. Jongin gets a change of clothes and Sehun gives him a new tooth brush, too. With much effort - and Sehun's help and supervision - Jongin manages to get ready for bed, glad and happy that Sehun is cuddling with him. He feels so much closer to Sehun now, and he is infinitely grateful.

Jongin's eyes close and his mind shuts slowly, but he still hears Sehun's voice consoling him with small whispers.

"At least you talked to them. You tried, Jongin. And no matter the outcome, the thought and intention is the most important. You did the right thing in confronting your parents. I'm sorry things turned out that way, but at least you still have me supporting you, right?"

Jongin hums softly, feeling all warm and content with Sehun spooning him. It is the warmth and the feeling of safety that lulls him into sleep in the end.

 

 

Jongin wakes up the next morning with swollen eyes and negative thoughts flooding back. The room he finds himself in is unfamiliar until he remembers that he is in Sehun's bedroom now. There is no Sehun in sight though. Instead, he finds a message on the bedside table, telling him that Sehun is downstairs to operate the coffee shop. Jongin sighs and falls back into bed, pulling out his phone to check the time. It is eleven, far too late as he usually starts working around ten. There are a few missed calls from both his assistant and Chanyeol, but for now Jongin wants to ignore them. He needs a break, at least for one day.

Sighing, he ends up sending Chanyeol an apologetic text, saying he was sleeping until now because he does not feel so well. At least it is not a lie, he thinks, laying back down into the pillows. They smell a lot like Sehun, a sweet smell of caramel and chocolate, but also something very distinctly Sehun. It soothes his nerves, so he stays there until he feels the need to get up and move. He can’t fall asleep, and if he stays here alone, thoughts of his parents will come back. In fact, they are already returning, and Jongin wants them out.

It takes a while until Jongin is representable - as much as he can be in yesterday's now wrinkled shirt and with his eyes red and swollen still. Sehun does not say anything when he comes downstairs. He just smiles and motions him to sit at his regular place, and a little later, he brings a sandwich, a chocolate muffin and a warm drink. Jongin thanks him with a little smile, hoping that things will turn better from now on. At least, he is disillusioned now. He won't wait for his parents to come and support him and his work anymore. There is no way they could ever be proud of their son who could not manage to stay in line and walk down the path they had chosen for him. But at least he still has Sehun supporting him, right?

 

 

Things turn back to normal after that . Jongin delves into his work, burying himself with doing extra projects at the side. He rarely sees Sehun, even though he keeps visiting the other every other week. There is barely time to talk when Jongin is in a hurry, always rushing into the coffee shop to say hi and chat a bit, maybe five, ten minutes of small talk about the weather, their health and well-being, how work is going. He always runs home afterwards, working into late night to get as much done as possible, so he is always four chapters in advance, instead of the regular two to three.

Sehun keeps praising him every time they see each other, the small smile he gets enough to lift Jongin’s spirit. He is glad when Sehun looks so pleased, so proud of him, and oddly enough, Sehun’s acknowledgement and opinion is the most important one to him now. He does not bother reading too much into his fans’ and antis’ forum discussions as long as Sehun keeps telling him he is doing a good job. There is always the doubt that Sehun might be biased and therefore only praising him, but he believes Sehun to be neutral enough still.

Almost one year later, Jongin talks to Chanyeol about ending the series. His food critic’s love story has come to a stop, at least in his eyes. He could let him step up on his game, chasing after the beautiful coffee shop owner, but Jongin decides that it is enough. An open ending, so his readers can imagine themselves what will happen after. Chanyeol and the publishing company are not too happy about that decision, but they cannot force him to prolong a series that he does not want to draw anymore. Jongin promises to come up with a new plot soon, after some vacation time, two months at most. This time it will really be no more than two months as he already has a few ideas for a new story in mind.

It is only with the break that he is getting now, a well-deserved one, since he has been working non-stop on his coffee shop series, as well as a few extra short stories and an artbook, does he realize how empty his life and his apartment are. His assistant has left last week, leaving Jongin to draw the rest by himself. Being alone with nothing to do, Jongin wonders if he really is happy like this. He is busy all the time and despite his name being known to a broad circle of people there is not much gold and glamour in his life. All he has is the flickering computer monitor and black ink on his fingertips. Sehun is his only little speck of sunshine, the little color in his otherwise dull life that he has spent as workaholic. Jongin is working, doing what he has always been dreaming of as teenager, but does that make him freer than Sehun, who is walking down a path that has been decided for him? Isn’t Jongin just as caged, haunted by editors and deadlines?

 

 

It takes another week before Jongin finally meets Sehun . Actually, he could have gone earlier with his last chapter receiving the editor’s okay, marking the beginning of his vacation last Friday. Instead of meeting up with Sehun to update the other on his whereabouts though, Jongin has chosen to stay at home, sort out everything in his apartment along with his thoughts.

One week is how long Jongin has needed to come up with the conclusion that his life could and would be better if Sehun would be more involved in it. Sehun could be the one to drive his loneliness away, and Jongin has decided that he wants to try, to grow even closer with the other, hopefully close enough for Sehun to find likeable traits about Jongin, too. He does not dare to expect a lot more, although there is this little ray of hope. Sehun has always been friendly and open to him, right? Sehun must like him a bit at least.

 

 

Jongin frowns when he stands in front of Oh’s Heaven. The last time he came here was almost two months ago, and over time he has noticed the steadily increasing number of customers, which was another reason why Jongin has kept his visits short. It is not only Jongin being busy, but Sehun is getting busier, too, and he did not want to be a hindrance.

It is irritating though. The moment he steps inside, the sound of chatter and laughter fills his ear, louder than he is used to, and there is a long line in front of the counter, too. Jongin sees his regular table occupied and wait, the boy standing on the other side of the counter is not Sehun. He is not as tall as Sehun, features softer, prettier than Sehun maybe. Jongin stares at the boy, impatient for his turn so he can ask the other about his friend.

A minute later, Sehun pops up, several packets in his arms to refill the various boxes and bottles lined up there, flavors and his special ingredients to make each of his drinks so memorable for the customer. Jongin watches Sehun with a fond smile, but pales when he sees the other boy leaning close to Sehun to whisper – are his lips touching Sehun’s cheek? - a hand on Sehun’s waist, and Sehun is laughing softly.

The scene looks familiar. Jongin gulps, experiencing this situation for a second time, only it is himself now and not his fictional self, the food critic. Has he been drawing his own future all along?

_Sungho sees Jieun’s business flourishing, to a point that external help is needed. The coffee shop owner hires a staff, working together with him, and the day the food critic pays her a visit after two, three months on a business trip abroad, he sees the staff member flirting with her and leaves._

Jongin’s reaction is the same, only, he is slower. Sehun looks up, a mere coincidence, but their eyes meet for a second still. He can see Sehun’s lips quirking up, hand raised to wave, but Jongin is already bolting out of the coffee shop then, running, because that is the only thing he knows to do. He is not good at confrontations, his fear of a bad outcome greater than his confidence and his hope for great results. It has been like that with his parents, and now it is the same with Sehun.

 

 

He won’t talk to Sehun, he decides that night. Sehun has no way to contact him after all. Jongin might know where to find Sehun, but it is not the other way round. Sehun has never been to Jongin’s place, and they have not exchanged numbers yet. The day Jongin planned to ask for Sehun’s number was the day he decided he had to stay away.

 

 

Jongin has had so many plans for his short break. He has thought about visiting Sehun daily and helping him at the coffee shop, having late dinner together as always, and maybe strolling around for a bit of fun. His plans are ruined though, now that Sehun is occupied by the blonde, pretty guy working with him, so instead of spending the best two months of his life, carefree and with the person he likes, Jongin stays at home and mourns over his lost chances.

The other guy was clearly flirting with Sehun, so that means Sehun is fine flirting with the same gender. That also means Sehun is not as straight as Jongin has assumed, and that means in return that he has had his chances to woo Sehun the past months, only, he did not grab these chances. Jongin wails and buries himself deeper into the blankets, feeling lonelier than ever. Not even Chanyeol is calling to check up on him since they have agreed for Jongin to be left alone for at least one month.

 

 

Time passes slowly when one needs it to fly by. Fifteen days ago, Jongin has been to Sehun’s coffee shop, only to flee, and for those fifteen past days he has been torturing himself with thoughts of Sehun. It is mainly regret that he feels, first for not even trying to hit on Sehun once he realized he was crushing on the other, and it is a lot of regret over his choices, too. He shouldn’t have become so attached to Sehun, when clearly, everyone could see that Sehun deserved a better, a nicer man, someone who could stand by Sehun at all times. Jongin could never do that because his job requires him to sit at his desk and draw, to work and focus. He wouldn’t have enough time to spend with Sehun and tend to him like a boyfriend should.

Frustrated, Jongin sits up, hands ruffling through his locks. Why does life never go the way he wants it to?

It is hunger that drives him out of bed, padding to the small kitchen. There are still some cereals left, but Jongin skips breakfast – how he wishes to have one of Sehun’s coffee or tea drinks now – and makes himself some ramyun. He sits at his desk to eat, spotting a box right by the door. Curiosity, or more like the need for distraction, makes him take a closer look, and he recognizes the package as one sent from the company. It arrived yesterday, but in his mourning state he did not feel like opening it.

Jongin carries the box over to his desk, his bowl of ramyun soon forgotten when he starts reading through dozens, maybe hundreds of fan letters. They get accumulated over a certain time before being sent to the artists. For privacy reasons, fan letters can only be sent to the company, before they are forwarded to the ones they have been written to.

He smiles, loving the cute fanarts they draw of his characters, but just as much as he loves the fanarts, he loves the encouraging and inquiring messages, too. _Are you doing okay? How is drawing going? I cannot wait for your next series! Kai-sshi fighting!_

They are incredibly endearing and if he could, Jongin would want to read them over and over again. As it is though, Jongin rarely has the time to open new fan letters, much less rereading every letter he has gotten so far. Most of the pictures and fanarts he gets are collected in an album, and there is a small shelf filled with small gadgets and presents, usually self-made dolls and figurines of his characters. As for the letters, they go into a box, except for a very few memorable ones, the ones that are most encouraging to him, that get pinned to the wall above his desk.

Jongin opens the next letter, blinking at the length. Nonetheless, he reads through it, heart feeling heavier and heavier with each more line that he reads. He does not need to look at the sender’s name to know that this is Sehun. The tone, the wording, it definitely is Sehun, and when the incident, the almost encounter is mentioned, there is no doubt that it is Sehun asking him what is wrong.

His lips are pressed into a thin line as he continues reading. Sehun is asking, too, all the things he couldn’t ask in person two weeks ago - _How are you? Are you doing okay? Are you eating well? Is Chanyeol too hard on you?_ – but he is also opening up, telling about himself, updating Jongin on his life and career.

_Business has been going great. I think it must be because you recommended my café? Well, you did not really recommend it, but by mentioning it in your talking column, people have come here to ask. You even included the walnut caramel coffee I made you the first time, and people really, really like that. Thank you, really. It is thanks to you that I do not have to worry about closing this shop anymore. Not for the time being, at least. I even had to hire a co-worker. Luhan is his name. He is from China and came here to become a singer, but for now he is working with me while waiting to be scouted. I’m sure he has good chances. He is quite good-looking and he has a nice voice, too. Our customers like it when he sings along to the radio. He is great company, too._

Jongin stops reading for a while, wondering if he can continue when all of this passage, it is just Sehun praising his co-worker, not yet boyfriend but from the sound of it, soon to be boyfriend. Does he want to read another paragraph on the supposedly perfect staff?

He closes his eyes, blinking, because he refuses to cry. He takes a deep breath before he continues reading. After all, the more broken-hearted he is, the easier it will be to get over Sehun, right?

_Luhan might be good company, but I’d rather have you here. I miss your visits, Jongin. Maybe you are busy now, so this letter will sound silly to you, but I have the feeling I have upset you. It is weird, but my feeling says that you are not going to come anymore, and in that case, of course I cannot force you. But I can still ask you to visit me, right? Ah, this sounds so weird… but what if you’re not reading this? What if this letter will never arrive? At least I am not embarrassing myself then._

_But I still hope you read this though. You know, I’d really, really like to have you come back some time. Not because I need a helping hand or because I need someone to test out my newest creations, but because I miss you. You are very important to me._

His mind is racing with all the possibilities. Sehun is subtle with the undertones, but Jongin is not imagining all of this, right? The artist shoots up, not bothering to read the rest because his hopes are soaring again, and his heart is telling him to go and find the barista with the cute eyes and pretty smile.

He changes into a pair of jeans quickly, throwing a shirt over his tank top that he keeps buttoning while running. His phone is left at home, and he has almost forgotten his keys, but they are there, securely tucked in his pocket. He does not bring his wallet either, an unnecessary item he would have to look for, wasting precious time that he could spend with Sehun. Sehun is missing him, calling out for him, and Jongin can only follow, running until the coffee shop comes into sight.

He storms inside, ignoring the line of customers, and cuts through, bold enough to walk up to Sehun behind the counter. His action is rather impulsive and Jongin wonders what he is actually doing here, because no words leave his lips. He needs to talk, needs to explain, but Sehun’s expression makes him speechless.

The other’s face shows surprise, going blank a few seconds after until a wide smile is blooming all over his face. Jongin cannot help but grin back, even happier when Sehun hugs him tightly, the first time since forever that they are this close.

A fake cough makes them jump apart, Sehun startled and Jongin annoyed, because it is Luhan, the coworker, who is interrupting their moment. Sehun licks his lips, glancing at Jongin and whispering a _later_. Of course. There are still a lot of customers, irritated by the interruption, and Jongin ducks his head, a bit embarrassed. There are a few high schoolers whispering, and he thinks they might know him. After all, he is a famous manhwa artist, known for his good looks after his first few fan signing events.

“Go upstairs,” Sehun whispers as he passes Jongin, pointing towards the private rooms. Jongin just nods and does as instructed, walking to the back where the stock rooms are located, as well as a room that has been turned into a break room. Jongin supposes that is where Luhan can rest during lunch break, and he feels relieved that Sehun does not seem to let the other into his private rooms, the rooms that Jongin got the keys to.

 

 

Everything is the same as last time, when Jongin has spent a night here. It still feels as warm and cozy as ever, and with Sehun being away, he takes the liberty to look around. He does not open any cupboards or drawers, but what he does is walking around and taking a closer look of everything to memorize the smallest details. After all, the way people organize and keep their homes is a hint at their personality or feelings, which is why for visual arts as paintings, but also comics and manga, symbolism is of central importance. Jongin has an eye for that, interpreting what he sees in his way, hoping that his understanding is correct.

Two hours pass and Jongin is bored. He does not want to breech Sehun’s privacy and thus he has kept himself to the living room only. Supposedly, Jongin could watch TV or play on his phone, but both do not interest him in the slightest when he feels antsy to see Sehun and talk to him. He just wants to get over with this.

It is after another tantalizing hour of wait that Sehun finally appears. Sehun is bringing a tray with sandwiches and a muffin up, along with two glasses of some smoothie kind of thing. Jongin thanks him and they start eating in silence, both occupied by their own thoughts.

 

 

“Jongin?”

Jongin looks up from his sandwich. It is only half eaten as he has been absent with his mind.

“Yeah?”

“Can I ask you a question?”

Jongin nods. He is not quite sure where this is leading, but something heavy is settling in his stomach and he does not like that kind of foreboding at all. It is something akin to fear that he feels. After all, it is not Sehun’s style to be this kind of quiet and then to suddenly ask for permission before he poses a question.

“The food critic in your story… is that really you?”

There is an eerie silence between them. Sehun looks expectant, a bit fearful maybe, and Jongin does not know how to interpret it. Is Sehun afraid that Jongin likes him because he cannot reciprocate those feelings? Is that it? Or, and this is what Jongin’s optimistic side tells him, Sehun might be scared that he is wrong with his assumption. After all, Sehun knows that linking Jongin to his series’ protagonist would ultimately mean Jongin having feelings for the barista of his story, who is basically Sehun.

“Sorry. You do not have to reply if it makes you feel uncomfortable,” Sehun mumbles and gets up. “I need to go back to work. You can stay here, but I probably won’t be able to come up in between. We close at 9PM now. You can stay here or go. And maybe come back later, if you still want to catch up with me.”

It is fear, not bravery that drives Jongin to do what he is doing now, to confront and tackle he matter head on instead of running away or avoiding it.

“Wait,” he calls, getting up as well. “Please, do not leave, okay?”

Sehun smiles lightly, but shakes his head. Jongin feels deflated.

“I have to work, Jongin. I’ll be back later in the evening.”

Jongin nods and sinks back onto the couch. He hears Sehun chuckle. It is anything but funny to him, the situation they are in now, but he does not have the heart to snap at Sehun. If anything, he just wants to see Sehun happy, even if it is at his own cost.

“Unless you want to help me out. I cannot pay you money, but I can invite you to dinner later and you can drink whatever you like while working?”

 

 

What Jongin finds out in the few hours that he is working alongside Sehun and Luhan is how compatible those two are. Jongin is still a bit confused with all the things they have to do, and so he has been tasked to run around and be a waiter, much to Sehun’s amusement. There are quite a number of people recognizing him, some have even met him at fan meetings. They are impressed to see him, and some have probably guessed his relationship with Sehun, silently cheering him on with looks and smiles.

Sehun and Luhan work side by side behind the counter, taking orders and preparing them, while Jongin is only tasked to bring the orders to the table – a service that is only provided when their extra staff is around – as well as wiping the tables and doing the dishes. Usually, it would be Sehun and Luhan doing all those works, too. Jongin is quite in awe, watching those two in the few moments of rest he gets. He does not think he would be able to do that, still creating tasty drinks while being rushed and having to run around.

But with the discovery of Luhan and Sehun not only working well, but also getting along well, he wonders if there is still space for him in Sehun’s heart. Luhan is a quirky person and very lovely with his bright, humorous personality. Jongin finds he cannot hate the other, even if he sees Luhan as his rival. Luhan does not need to say it. The way he looks at Sehun, how he acts around Sehun, that all is enough of a hint for Jongin to see how the part-timer is feeling about his employer. Should he step back then?

 

 

“What are you thinking about?”

Jongin startles when Sehun nudges him, and when he looks up, the other is smiling.

“We just closed now. Let’s go have dinner.”

 _Already?_ , Jongin wants to ask, but he keeps mum instead. There is this weird feeling he has in his stomach, and it has probably to do with him being alone with Sehun now. When Jongin got tired after a few hours, Sehun had sent him upstairs to rest and he had gladly done so. He had been watching TV, more like staring at the screen while deep in thoughts, and so he did not notice when Sehun came up.

“Where’s Luhan?” He asks later, when they leave the house. He is positively surprised when Sehun tells him it is just the two of them, because they need to catch up and because he feels weird to have Luhan around.

“I want to keep you for myself, no sharing with Luhan,” Sehun has said, and it made Jongin’s thoughts run wild, heart beat fastening.

They are sitting at some Japanese ramen place. Jongin remembers well that Sehun prefers Japanese over Korean food, and thus he has steered Sehun in the direction of the Japanese restaurant, instead of the chicken place next to it. Jongin loves chicken, but he knows that Sehun is not too fond of greasy food.

“It’s been a while since we were like this,” Jongin mutters after their bowls are placed on the table, along with a serving of dumplings. Funny, how they serve Korean mandu here, he thinks, for a moment distracted.

“I missed this,” Sehun replies, and when Jongin glances at the other, Sehun is staring down at his food. He does not look all too happy, and Jongin decides to leave the serious talk for later. He does not want to ruin their appetite by a stupidly made comment and initiates a light conversation instead.

He asks about Sehun’s wellbeing, about the coffee shop sales, for details on what exactly and how exactly things have changed. He asks about the menu, too, and Sehun is excited to tell him about his newest creations, as well as funny anecdotes, such as that one time when he has tried to make coffee upstairs, in his kitchen, and mistook salt and sugar. Jongin can only chuckle along, his whole being filled with happiness when Sehun is animated like that. Sehun is himself, cheerful and just perfect, and Jongin does not want to ruin the moment, but he does eventually.

They have finished dinner, but their conversation never ceases. They just continue talking as they walk around town, finally sitting down in a quieter corner of the park. Not too far away there is light and laughter, the sound of street musicians filling the air, but Jongin does not notice any of that. He keeps staring at Sehun’s face, his focus shifting from the other’s bright eyes to his lips and back. Without thinking, he leans in and captures those lips in a moment they are puckered up and the most kissable.

Sehun stills, seemingly in shock, but he is not the only one. Jongin is just as surprised, both staring at each other with wide eyes.

“I- I’m sorry. I did not… I wasn’t thinking,” Jongin says, pulling away and bringing more distance between each other. He cannot bear to look at Sehun and to see the unbelieving look on the other’s face. After all, he has come back after so long, just to ruin their friendship by a moment he lacked self-control. Jongin is disappointed in himself and so, so sad, because it is his own fault that his heart is breaking now. He does not want to hear Sehun being all nice while rejecting him, he really does not need that.

“Are you running away again?” Sehun asks and Jongin freezes. He has stood up again, clearly wanting to leave, but Sehun’s voice is serenading him. He does not want to go, although he knows it would be better if he did.

“Don’t you dare running away after all this,” Sehun says, and this time, he sounds upset. Jongin gulps. He has never dealt with Sehun’s wrath. In fact, he has never seen Sehun agitated before, but there is always a first for everything, right? He turns around to face Sehun. Yes. Sehun looks very, very mad.

“You’re a jerk, you know?” Sehun says and takes a step forward the same time Jongin steps back. “You’re a jerk and a coward. Instead of talking to me, you chose to avoid me. You’re a selfish person and I shouldn’t have tried to reach out for you. Did you only come visit me because of the letter I wrote you? You’re never going to get anywhere in life like this. If you want something, you need to fight for it. Why can’t you fight for the people in your life, too? Why can you only fight for your dreams? Or am I wrong by assuming you’re lonely with no one to share your happiness with?”

Jongin can only guess that it is angry tears that are spilling from Sehun’s eyes. His chest is heaving and his hands are balled into fists. Sehun is not his own, calm self, but it does not mean that he is spewing nonsense. His words are so, so true, and Jongin, encouraged by Sehun’s pep talk, makes the first move. He pulls Sehun into his arms, hugging Sehun close to his chest as he whispers.

“No, you’re not wrong. You always know what to say and what to do. But you know, people, real people, they are unpredictable. You cannot tell them what to do, because they decide on their own. And instead of being disappointed by people not choosing me, I rather run away from them. I’m so sorry, Sehun. I won’t run away from you anymore.”

“You’re so stupid,” Sehun whispers, pressing close. “I shouldn’t even like you.”

Jongin laughs, but he is barely holding back tears. Too much is happening and he is afraid that things are not the way he interprets them. What if…?

“Does that make us boyfriends now?” It is a barely audible whisper, but Jongin hears it nonetheless. He feels the heat rising into his cheeks and pulls away to stare at Sehun. There is silence between them, Sehun obviously waiting for a reply, and with that tongue darting out to moisten his lips, Jongin knows it is a sign of nervousness. He himself cannot reply, too surprised with the way life is going for him now.

“You kissed me. That means you want me to be your boyfriend, right? Or was that just some weird friendship thing I don’t know about yet?”

When Sehun speaks up again, the spell is broken and Jongin grins, beaming with all the happiness surging through his veins. He nods and hugs Sehun again, tighter this time, because now he knows that Sehun is his, knows that he is allowed to be this close without hurting himself or ruining their friendship.

“Boyfriend,” Jongin whispers. “My boyfriend.”

 

 

“Wow.”

Jongin had a weird feeling when he has spontaneously invited Sehun over to his apartment right after they defined their relationship. But now, watching Sehun’s reaction, he feels nothing but happiness. Sehun is genuinely interested in his work, asking questions about different things he sees, the tools that Jongin uses, but also about his assistant. Jongin wonders if Sehun is jealous to hear that there is someone else he spends so much time with, even staying over sometimes, when work is too much, but he does not detect any of these sentiments in Sehun’s voice or words.

He is just glad that Sehun does not think of him as a weirdo or some kind of loser because of his huge collection of Japanese manga and Korean manhwa, giving base to the assumption of him being an otaku. Jongin cringes, hoping that Sehun does not think of him like that.

“Thank you for showing me all this,” Sehun says when they are sitting on Jongin’s bed, each of them holding a warm mug of hot chocolate that Sehun has somehow produced with the few things Jongin has stocked in the kitchen. Perks of dating a barista.

“No, thank you,” Jongin mumbles, turning his head to look at Sehun. Sehun is smiling down at his cup and Jongin interprets it as a good sign. “I mean, not everyone is cool about my merch collection.”

“Ah, you mean the half-naked anime figurines on your shelves?”

“Do not make me look like a pervert! They are still fully clothed, just not… their clothes are just a bit revealing.” He pouts, but is amazed. This teasing side of Sehun, he has never seen before. It makes him fall a bit more for the barista, although he would prefer not having to face this witty and sassy Sehun too often. He has a feeling that Sehun in this mode will only make him flustered.

“I’m joking,” Sehun says. “It is not surprising. Most guys do like anime girls.”

“Are you jealous?”

“No. I’m clearly male. I do not have to compete with those girls.”

Jongin nods. For now, he decides not to tell Sehun that he has once imagined his boyfriend wearing a magical girl outfit in one of his daydreams. Sehun has had to cope a lot with what he lacks in, and right now he does not wish to strain his boyfriend’s patience some more.

 _Boyfriend_ , Jongin thinks, and a wide smile spreads on his face.


End file.
